


All the Transparency of a Brick Wall

by Plandai



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alchol, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Phan - Freeform, Teacher!Phil, harrasment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plandai/pseuds/Plandai
Summary: Dan dates guys he never stays with for long, Phil doesn't date at all. They both have their reasons, they don't tell either what they are. They really should.





	1. Chapter 1

Dan was lying on his sofa, scowl prevenient on his face, arms crossed with and his legs swung over Phil's lap. An episode of some Netflix show was playing on the TV, but his focus was more intently concentrated on Phil, well rather what he was speaking to Phil about. To be honest, he wasn't concentrating on Phil at all, he was too wound up in his rant about his most recent romantic failure to think of anything else at the moment.

  
“I can't believe he just dumped me,” he groaned dramatically, “I did nothing wrong. So, what if I'm a little ‘emotionally challenging’, he could have been at least a bit more understanding. It's not my fault I'm going through a hard time at the moment,”

  
Phil sighed and patted the younger man's leg gently, looking sort of done with the whole situation. That's probably because it had been the third time this month Dan had been dumped and every time it happened the poor English teacher was forced to give up several hours of his sparse spare time to comfort his slightly drunk best friend who was nearly always hysterical and in a very poor mood. Dan paused to take a breath and Phil took the opportunity to inject his own opinion, something that Dan's rambling had prevented him from doing for the last hour

  
“Perhaps you should just give up trying to find a boyfriend, you clearly aren't having much luck. Also, you were only with him for a week, perhaps you should have waited a little longer before spilling your heart out to him.” he sighed tiredly, “Just concentrate on yourself for a bit, practice a bit of self-care, that way maybe you’ll be able to handle a relationship better in the future,”

  
Dan groaned, sitting up and looking his best friend dead in the eye with an unimpressed look,

  
“Getting a boyfriend is self-care Phil. I know your life has been void of any hint of a relationship for quite some time now, but it really is quite nice to have a partner,”

  
Phil rolled his eyes, pushing Dan's legs off of him so he could also sit up,

  
“Yes, I know that, but I also know that sometimes it is better to wait until you are at a stable point in your life before bringing someone else into it. That way you don’t end up unloading your problems onto someone not equipped and you don’t get stressed trying to make failing relationships work.”

  
Dan frowned,

  
“Then why haven't you got with someone yet? You've got a steady job and if you can handle me you can handle anybody,”

  
Phil shrugged and slumped back against the sofa,

  
“I just haven't found the right person yet,” he said quietly,

  
“But you will don't worry. Besides we’re talking about you, not me. Let’s get back on topic,”

  
Dan tilted his head to the side,

  
“You need to go out and search for the right person if you don’t, they might find someone else who thinks they are the right person. Time is running out,”  
Phil scoffed,

  
“Time is not running out, I’m only thirty-two. Are you calling me old?”

  
Dan giggled and laid back down on the sofa,

  
“No, I'm not saying that. I just think that you deserve someone really special and I can't understand why you aren't trying to find them. A lot of people your age are already married and have kids,”  
Phil paused, looking at him with a frown, before standing up and offering a hand out to Dan,

  
“Come on, you're drunk and I have work tomorrow,”

  
Dan narrowed his eyes but took his hand reluctantly. Sure, it was almost midnight, but he wanted to carry on their conversation for at least a little bit longer, it was getting interesting. Phil, being the amazing friend, he was, stayed to help Dan get to ready when he began to stumble, and when he was finally in bed, gave him a quick goodbye,

  
“I'll see you on Friday,” he said, smiling gently with a small wave. Dan watched him go, feeling a little miserable at being left alone, luckily a mixture of alcohol and the energy drain from several hours’ worth of ranting was enough to lull him into a gentle sleep within a couple of minutes. He reminded himself to make sure he found out why Phil was still single the next time he met up, and maybe try and set him up with someone. He was a good catch, it wouldn't be too hard.  
Dan woke up the next morning nursing a less than pleasant hangover, but overall feeling a little better. He checked his phone, groaning as the bright screen caused him to squint in the relative darkness of his room. There were the usual notifications about updated apps and traffic alerts he never used, as well as a couple stating he had matches on dating sights. He was good looking, and he knew it, so getting matches was not difficult, although he knew that most of them would simply be looking for a quick Fuck. After separating and deleting the messages that were clearly only aimed at getting laid and returning the rest with a generic, cheesy pickup line, he dragged himself out of bed and got ready for work.

  
The theatre he worked at was cold this morning, the heating yet to be turned on ahead of the arrival of the current productions cast for rehearsal. He took out a rusted set of keys, unlocking the store cupboard where his cleaning uniform and supplies where stored. He had hoped that getting a job in the theatre after he dropped out of university would help him get on the ladder of the acting industry. Unfortunately, despite being the first to know about all the upcoming jobs, he had never been able to get a roll. Luckily the cleaning job paid decently for what it was, or else he probably wouldn’t be able to afford rent.

  
As he had just pulled on his apron, the door opened, and he jumped back. Luckily, however, it was only Lauren, the other cleaner. She looked a little surprised to see him, which was understandable given that he was almost never actually on time,  
“Oh, hello Dan,” she said cheerily, “Are you ok, you look a little pale?”

  
Lauren was a little older than dan, but not by much, and was a good-looking woman with dark, auburn hair and pretty green eyes. She too had got a job here in the hopes of getting into acting, but this had ended up being her second job as she was a bartender in the evenings. She needed the money as she was hoping to attend university as a mature student and needed to save up. She was always going on about how exciting it would be to go to uni, nursing she wanted to do. Dan simply smiled as he thought back to the hell that was law and fought off a grimace,

  
“Hiya. Yeah, don't worry. I’m just a bit hungover,” he replied with a sigh, really wishing he had bothered to grab some painkillers on the way out of the house. Lauren looked at him sympathetically,

  
“Did you get dumped again?” she said gently. Dan nodded dejectedly, knowing that it was much too often an occurrence if even your work colleagues picked up on it,

  
“Ah, I know all too well the struggles of dating. I’ve been trying to find a decent guy for a while now, but I can’t seem to find one,”

  
Suddenly dan lit up,

  
“Hey, I know I guy you could date! My best friend, Phil. He’s awesome, you’d love him,”

  
Lauren looked over to him, intrigued,

  
“Are you sure he isn’t a bit young for me if he’s your age, I am thirty-three. What does he do for a living?” she asked, sounding slightly sceptical,

  
“Nah he’s thirty-two. We met online because he used to make videos on YouTube before he did his teaching course. He’s a teacher now, A level English Language,” Dan replied, dragging the mop bucket over to the sink,

  
“Do you have a picture of him?” Lauren asked, poking her head over his shoulder. Dan smiled, knowing she was interested,

  
“Yeah, here let me get out my Phone,” he pulled out his mobile and scrolled through his feed, selecting one that they had taken together a few weeks ago at their weekly pizza and video game meetup (he decided last Friday’s photo of his victory scream after playing fortnight probably wasn’t the best one to show her). Lauren grinned,

  
“Ooh, he’s cute. What is he like? Are you sure he isn’t gay, he seems a little too good to be true,”

  
Dan smiled,

  
“Honestly, he’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met. He’s super funny and kind. Plus, he puts up with me, so you know he’s patent. Admittedly he is a little bit weird and childish, but it's super endearing. He’s so creative and smart, honestly, it’s hard to understand quite how his brain works sometimes, but it’s a good thing. He hasn’t dated anyone in like ten years I swear but he said he was bi when we first met so . . .”

Lauren took a moment to think before nodding to herself,

  
“Ok, do you think you could set me up on a date with him? He sounds nice,”

  
Dan nodded and grinned,

  
“It would be my pleasure.”

  
The rest of the day went pretty quickly. He cleaned the offices and bathrooms whilst Lauren cleaned the main hall and then stopped behind to watch the show after she went home to clean up afterwards. It was only his job to clean up after the audience had left twice a week, usually, there was another cleaner who came in to do it. He caught the bus home, repeatedly yawning to himself and he slumped against the window. He needed to get an early night’s sleep and a fuckload of ibuprofen. The weather outside was miserable, and the bright city lights of Manchester reflected off the clouds giving them a dull orange glow.

  
Despite the gloomy atmosphere, Dan was feeling pretty proud of himself. He couldn't wait to call Phil and tell him the good news. He had already given Lauren his phone number but knowing Phil without at least a bit of gentle encouragement first he would turn her down immediately. That‘s just the type of person he was, much to the detriment of his romantic life. After entering his flat and flicking on every single light, he picked up his Phone and called Phil. it was a little late, but he assumed Phil would still be awake, probably marking books or something else equally boring.

  
Phil picked up almost immediately, answering with a long sigh,

  
“What’s up, you haven’t managed to get yourself a new boyfriend yet have you?” he asked exasperatedly. Dan feigned insult,  
“How dare you. Although if you must know, I have been doing a bit of matchmaking myself today,” he replied smugly,

  
“Ahh,” Phil returned, not sounding particularly impressed, “Were you successful?”  
Dan hummed happily to himself,

  
“That has yet to be determined,” he replied smugly, “How would you feel about going on a date with my lovely co-worker Lauren,”  
He listened eagerly for a reply, but the line went silent. A moment passed before a rather loud voice came over out of the speaker,  
“Absolutely not, you better not have told her anything,”

  
Dan groaned,

  
“Why are like this, I swear to god you are the loneliest person on the planet. At least give her a chance, maybe she’s ‘the one’,” he exclaimed,

  
“She won’t be,” Phil returned flatly. Dan rolled his eyes, hoping that it would somehow be transferred over the phone, just to show how ridiculous he thought Phil was being,

  
“How do you know?” he asked exasperatedly, “You’ve not even met her,”

  
“Trust me I know,”

  
Dan took the Phone away from his face, grinding his teeth and taking a deep breath. Phil always liked to tell him he was hard work, but sometimes he could be just as bad. Why wouldn’t he even consider the idea? Maybe Phil was Ace? But he had been rather sexual when they first met, and he had dated both women and men before, although that was a long time ago, so he wasn’t strictly gay. After he had calmed himself down a bit, he raised the phone again,

  
“Look, I told her I’d set her up on a date with you. How about you go to this one date and then if you don’t like her you can politely cut ties and you’ll never have to see her again,”

  
It took a few moments for the older man to reply,

  
“I’m assuming you are just going to keep pestering me unless I say yes?” He asked tiredly. Dan grinned,

  
“Yup,”

  
He could feel the frustration in Phil’s voice, but he hoped this would be something good for his friend. He had always suspected had been at least a little lonely, otherwise, he wouldn’t put up with him and his breakup antics,

  
“Ok, you can tell her I’ll go on a date, ask her when she’s free,”

  
Dan did a small celebratory dance, feeling rather proud of himself,

  
“How about Friday, she doesn’t usually have any Evening plans,”

  
“Friday is usually our night,” Phil returned quietly. Dan bit his lip,

  
“We hang out every Friday,” he said gently, “It’s time for you to go out and live your life,” He checked his watch and grimaced,

  
“It’s getting a bit late,” he said with a yawn, “I’ll text you her number tomorrow and you can arrange something. Good night,”

  
Phil returned a quick ‘goodnight’ before hanging up. He sounded off, hurt even. Dan just assumed it was because he was tired, and headed off to bed,


	2. Chapter 2

Phil stared at his phone blankly for a few moments, before tossing it onto the sofa with a heavy sigh. Laid out in front of him where an enormous pile of purple exercise books, each one filled with pages and pages of illegible scrawl. Illegible scrawl that still needed to be inked over with bright red and cast into the pitifully small pile of already marked books. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, sliding them back on with a yawn. His back ached from sitting in the same position for too long and his pen had remained stationary in hand for far too long. He was already in a bad mood and his phone call with Dan had only made it worse.

  
He knew his friend was only trying to be helpful and setting him up was a nice thing to do, but he just wasn’t interested. He was far too stressed to think about these things, something Dan didn’t seem to quite understand. When he went home from work, that was him done for the day. For Phil, there was never really a point when he was ’done’. And maybe that was a bit of an excuse because in reality he was still hung up over Dan, but it was true. He slammed the pen down on the table, running his hands through his hair, the cheap plastic cracking against the polished wood.

  
He gathered the books into a neater pile and shoved them into his bag and flung it to the floor, heaving himself to his feet and plodding off towards the bathroom. Did Dan not want to spend time with him anymore? Why was he so desperate to get him a date, especially on a Friday? Even with Dan's hectic dating life, they had always made time to hang out. He frowned into the mirror, brushing his teeth with rough, even painful strokes. He looked exhausted, dark circles underneath his eyes and skin even paler than usual (if the was even possible). Thank god there was only a week left until the half term where he could have a week of well-earned rest.

  
Despite being incredibly tired, it took him a little while to get to sleep. The conversation he had had with Dan had really shaken him up. Sure, it wasn’t such a strange thing for a mate to set you up with someone, but he wasn’t exactly looking for a partner. He had been single for almost a decade, but he wasn’t really bothered by that. He had held off getting into a relationship for around three years after he met Dan. He liked Dan, but he was reluctant to make a move. Dan was younger than he was and had a sort of creepy obsession with him at first, so he hasn't made a move for fear of taking advantage of him.

  
Now he regretted that decision. Well, he’s glad he didn’t take advantage of his best friend, but there was a time a few months after they had me that would have been perfectly acceptable to ask him out, but he hadn’t. Now he was stuck with an who seemed to date a nearly endless array of guys are totally wrong for him. He needs someone who knows about his love of games, procrastination and black clothing. Someone who understands that sometimes he can be depressed and that sometimes he can be hyperactive. Someone who sees that his dramatic nature is endearing rather than annoying and understands the depth at which his mind works.

  
He was sure the perfect person for him was out there if it couldn’t be him, and he would be absolutely thrilled for him if that happened, but as it was it didn’t appear to be the case. He had gotten so used to being alone, he didn’t mind staying alone a little longer until he knew for sure dan was with the right person. Maybe if he waited long enough, dan would see that he was worth a shot. He certainly didn’t want to date this ‘Lauren’. If Dan liked her, he was sure she was nice, he just didn’t fancy it right now. Maybe at the end of the school year, that way he had a full six weeks where he could go on dates and have fun, but not now.

  
He asserted that idea in his mind, before taking his glasses off and settling onto the pillow. The house was cold, and he found himself drawing his legs to save them from the cold grasp of the outside world. His bed felt empty, but it was no different from every night. He felt nerves clawing at his stomach, why had he even agreed to go on a date? He didn't know how to talk to people. He was bad enough with teenagers, let alone people his own age. What if he made a fool of himself, what if he managed to offend her? How would he tell her that he wasn’t interested without sounding like a dick? He couldn’t exactly tell her it was because he was in love with her work colleague.

  
The next morning was a bit of a blur. He slept through his first two alarms and hadn’t managed to grab a bite to eat before rushing out of the door. He’d forgotten the exercise books he was meant to bring in and so had to spend his one free period that day altering lesson plans and worst of all his phone had run out of battery. He had had to sink to asking the students if anyone had a charger he could borrow. Overall, he was feeling rather shitty. By the time lunchtime rolled around, he plodded into the refectory, feeling both miserable and hungry.

  
Here only had enough change of him for a jacket potato and the dinner lady had made a mistake and filled it with cheese rather than what he asked for. He would have corrected her, but he didn’t notice until he sat down at an empty staff table, his mind was off in other places. He simply sat dejectedly in his chair, staring glumly at the unappetizing meal in front of him. He was woken from his gloomy daze by John who slipped into the seat next to him. He looked up to see Sarah also hovering nearby,

  
“Are you alright mate, you seem a little down?” he asked sounding a bit concerned. Phil nodded, hoping they would just leave him alone. He didn't really feel like talking to anyone at the moment.

  
Unfortunately, his response only compelled Sarah to also sit down at the table. The room was loud, and the repeated opening of the door caused a draft to blow over them every now and again. It was busy, filled to the brim with students who were all shouting and being as loud as the possibly could. Feeling the eyes of the other two teachers on him, he looked up and shrugged. He waited a moment for the students of a nearby table to vacate, not bothering to reprimand them on the mess they had left and turned to his colleagues,

  
“I’m just having a bad day,” he muttered. Sarah reached over to pat his arm comfortingly. She was a short woman but her loud personality meant she was never missed. She wore a different hijab every day, ranging from plain black to luminous pink and covered in flowers. John was her husband, much more laid-back man with thinning hair and a habit of rocking up to work as if he had just woken up.

  
“Oh no, what’s happened?” Sarah asked, routing through her bag, “If you have a headache, I’m sure I’ve got some paracetamol in here somewhere,”  
Phil shook her head,

  
“No, it isn’t that, but thank you,” he replied, sending her a weak smile.

  
“Then what is it?” John pressured, stabbing his fork into his own 'vomit like' curry with a grimace,

  
“I didn’t get to sleep until really late last night, I slept through my alarms, forgot exercise books, had to replant a lesson, couldn’t eat breakfast, forgot to charge my phone, the dinner lady put cheese on my jacket potato, and I have to go on a date on Friday,” he rattled off grumpily. Darrah let out a small laugh,

  
“Oh, I’m sorry dear, you really are having a bad day, but what’s so bad about a date. You should be happy,” she announced, causing some of the teachers on the other table to send her warning glances. Unfortunately, Sarah was the sort of person who struggled to keep anything to herself and tended to spread news quickly. Phil shrugged,

  
“I just don’t really want to go. Dan set me up with her, and I don’t think I’m going to like her,” Sarah narrowed her eyes,

  
“Have you even met her? Or messaged her? Do you even know what she’s like?” Phil shook his head sheepishly. Sarah gave him an unimpressed look,

  
“This is because you’re still hung up on dan isn’t it. You won't even consider dating anyone else,” she said in a hushed tone, “You need to get over this. At this rate, you’ll die alone because you still think there’s a chance you can get with a guy who’s trying to set you up with someone else. I think you just need to accept that it isn’t going to happen and move on with your life. Most people your age are married already and have kids. They aren’t stuck in this weird obsessive teenage phase where they are longing after this one guy. If you really want to get with him then you need to ask him out, it clearly isn’t going to get resolved on its own. I doubt he’ll get mad at you if you do say yes. Just go ahead and get it over with,”

  
Phil crossed his arms and glared at Sarah. He knew she was right, what he was doing wasn’t normal and he could have had a family buy now, but it also wasn’t that simple. He couldn’t bear to lose dan as a friend, and that was something that terrified him. Deep down he knew that if dan rejected him, they would still be friends. That was all well and good, but how would Phil feel about the rejection? He'd be heartbroken and every time he saw his best friend, he would be reminded of that. He would much rather live not knowing, that live knowing that he wasn’t wanted.

  
The bell rang out and the couple got up to leave, leaving Phil to clear away his uneaten lunch. He scraped into the bin, feeling guilty for wasting food, and headed off to his last class of the day. They were all noisily queued up outside of the door but immediately quieted once they saw him. While usually he was a relatively laid back and liked teacher, it had already gotten around the small school that he was in a particularly harsh mood today. He would regret it tomorrow when he had to sit in detention with twenty-odd kids but at the moment he couldn’t be arsed to care.

  
About halfway into the class he felt a vibration in his pocket and gave the students some silent work to do so he could check his phone. He sank down into his wheelie chair, perhaps a little harder than he needed to and cleared away some space of his overcrowded desk. The text was from dan, a given since the only people who usually texted him where his family and dan, and most of his family would have been busy at work. It was a phone number, Laurens phone number. He sent a thank you text to dan, his best friend need not know he wasn’t thankful at all and added it to his contacts.

  
He sent a quick ‘hello’ text to Lauren and then dropped his phone into a drawer, slamming it shut. He knew that if he tried to message her further whilst he was in such a mood he would just come off as an asshole. Even if he didn’t want to go on this date, it wasn’t Laurens fault dan had decided to set them up and he wasn’t going to take his frustration out on her. He wasn’t going to take his frustration of on dan either, so he was just going to have to live with it for a while. A couple of the students raised their eyebrows at him at his rather overdramatic motion, but he merely sent them a warning glare.

  
Dan texted him again on his way home, asking if he had begun to speak with Lauren. Phil replied no, that he hadn’t had time. Dan didn’t quite seem to believe him, although this was actually true. He had had to attend two different meetings once the school day was over, one about the amount of homework they were required to assign and another on health and safety. Apparently, a couple of tiles had come loose on the roof and they couldn't afford to fix it, so we're just going to cordon off the affected areas until the funds came through. It would make moving around outside awkward, but it was better than a student being clonked over the head by a slab of flying ceramic.

  
He sat in traffic, a frown evident across his face. He needed to stop somewhere and get something to eat, his stomach was growling at him. At the same time, he didn't really feel like eating. His mind was too preoccupied to think about his body's physical needs. He knew that was a bad thing, he didn’t want to faint again, but at the same, he couldn’t help it. He made a note to share his concerns with dan, even if his best friend was trying to get rid of him, he wasn’t the sort of person who would let those around him suffer. He’d help him out.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan rolled his eyes when he got the text through from Phil saying he hadn’t had enough time to talk to Lauren. He knew the teacher was busy, as teachers really are, but he must have had a little time to reply to one of her texts. The only reason he could think of why he hadn’t was because he didn’t want to. Friday was only two days away and they hadn’t arranged anything. Lauren didn’t seem to mind the silence of Phil’s behalf, but dan was really starting to hope his best friend would at least make an effort. He deserved to be happy and he really thought Lauren would be a good match for him.

They were both a little quirky, loved animals and bright colours, and trying new things. He really hoped that Phil actually took this date seriously and didn’t do something stupid like just not turn up or tell her straight up no, it would make working with her a little awkward. He guessed he wouldn’t though, Phil was too nice. He was the sort of person who would get himself into awkward situations, just because he didn’t like to say no to people, and hardly ever voiced his opinions if they were negative. He would probably date her for the next couple of months even though he didn’t like her, just so he didn’t sound mean.

After waving goodbye to said woman he boarded to bus home, back aching slightly from bending down all day to clean under the seats. The cleaner who was in charge of clearing up after the performance last night hadn’t done a good job at all. He was left to clean up the remains of spilt drinks after that had already soaked their way into the carpet and food that had fused itself into the chairs. If he didn’t hate confrontation so much, he would have rung up that guy and given him a piece of his mind.

Even though he was thrilled at the idea of Phil finally getting a date (even if dan had had to arrange it himself), he was a little sad they were going to miss their Friday get together. Dan had gotten a bonus this month after he worked extra shifts over Christmas, and he had splurged on a couple of new games. Whenever he got anything knew he liked to either play it with or take turns playing it with Phil. That way they could have fun and share their armature reviews with each other. He would have been able to hold off playing them until Friday, but he couldn't g a whole week. He would give in by next Wednesday for sure, then it would be spoiled. He’d have to get Phil to come around on Saturday instead.

He messaged Phil to tell him when he got home, he still couldn’t believe he had to work so late when the school day finished at three, so he could call him. It wasn’t until about half six that his friend finally messaged him. Dan grinned and immediately began calling him. He wanted to tell him about the new games and remind him to message Lauren. Phil picked up on the second or third ring, sounding quite miserable,

“Hi Dan,” he said glumly. Dan immediately frowned,

“Hey, what’s up?” he said gently, “You don’t sound good,” He could almost feel Phil shrug from the other end of the line. Typical Phil, he never took care of himself,

“I’m just tired,” he replied

 Dan was still sceptical,

“Have you had anything to eat? Do I need to come over? You haven't overworked yourself, again have you?” Phil let out a small chuckle,

“No Dan, I’m fine. I got pizza on the way home,” he said quietly, but his voice no longer sounded completely devoid of emotion, “And I’m always overworked, you know that” Dan tutted,

“That isn’t very healthy is it?” he reprimanded jokingly, “At least it’s the holidays soon,” Phil scoffed

“Like you can lecture me on being healthy, although it is true, I can’t wait for the holidays,”

Dan smiled smugly,

“Actually, I’ve been going for runs this week, so I can lecture you on your health. My body is a temple,” he could feel Phil roll his eyes through the phone,

“Alright then,” he replied snarkily, “Although I’m pretty sure going on runs every day does not eliminate several years of eating takeout twice a week,”

“Says the one who just had pizza for Dinner,” he then cleared his throat, eager to get on with his point,

“Anyway, I just bought a bunch of new games and I wanted to know if you wanted to come over at the weekend to test them out, I really can’t wait until next week. Oh, and you need to message Lauren to arrange your date. Do you have any idea where you want to go?”

“Sure, we can meet up at the weekend, I might have to bring some marking though,” Phil replied happily, completely ignoring Dan's mentioning of Lauren, something the younger man picked up on. He waited a moment to see if Phil was going to carry on before letting out an exasperated sigh,

“And what about Lauren? Where are you going to take her?” he groaned, quickly growing frustrated,

“Nandos?”

Dan felt like punching someone,

“You aren't a teenager Phil, you can’t take someone to Nando’s on your first date. Besides you don't even like Nando’s that much, we never go there and I’m the only person you would go with.”

There was silence for a moment,

“I resent that fact,” Phil replied stiffly, “I could have gone there with Sarah and John,”,

“Sarah is vegan Phil, they serve chicken,”

Phil let out a defeated sigh,

“Alright I know, it was just the first place that came to mind. I’ll ask her where she wants to go. We don’t live in the nineteen fifties anymore, I don’t have to decide everything,”

Dan shook his head,

“Don’t try to make me feel bad, it won’t work. I happen to know Lauren and I think she would like to be taken to a restaurant of your choosing, she likes new things. I wasn’t just adhering to gender stereotypes,” Dan replied defensively.

“Sure,” Phil giggled. Dan smiled to himself. At least his best friend was sounding a bit better,

“Well I’ll let you get on with your work, don’t forget to message Lauren,”

“I won’t,” Phil returned huffily, “See you Saturday I guess,”

“Yeah see you Saturday. Text me when you get all the details sorted, oh and I want to know how it goes,”  
“Fine,” Phil sighed, “I’ll talk to you later,”

“Alright bye,” Dan hung up the Phone, sinking onto the sofa with a yawn. He closed the messaging app and opened the numerous dating apps present on the home screen.

Some of the guys he had replied to had finally got back to him. He began scrolling through their profiles, debating which one he liked most. He would pick one to ask out right away and keep the others chatting. That was if the date didn’t go well, he wouldn’t have to try too hard to find another. He knew this continuous rotation of people wasn’t normal, and he knew that if he really tried, he could make them stay a lot longer. Maybe it was because he secretly didn’t want them too. Maybe it was because every time he broke up with one of them, it gave him an excuse to go running into Phil’s arms, and Phil’s arms were much nicer than anybody else's.

He loved Phil, he had known that from the day he met him. He was handsome, witty, kind, understanding, endearing, sweet, interesting, loyal, intelligent, honest, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. He always knew how to make Dan feel better, even when dan didn’t know himself, and he was always there for his best friend. He could be a little bit annoying at times, but he could never feel it in himself to actually be irritated at him. Dan probably knew Phil better than he knew himself, and he knew that Phil wasn’t happy. It killed him inside, and he wanted to change that.

It was going to hurt when Phil got a partner. Dan knew that he wouldn’t be the number one person in his life and that he would never have a chance to get with Phil which had always been his dream, but at least he would be happy. He should have made a move when they first met, that way it wouldn’t have been so awkward. They were younger, they could say these things and it would be chalked down to just that, they were young. Now they were older and wiser, dan couldn’t just turn around to Phil and say he loved him. Phil was pretty much his only friend, he couldn’t lose him.

He scrolled through the photo album on his phone, smiling where he realised the vast majority of them were either of or with Phil. A couple of nice sunsets and aesthetic photos, and a few of his own selfies for use on dating websites, but most were with Phil. He missed when they used to live together. Phil lived in Manchester, Dan needed to find somewhere to live in Manchester, it was perfect. When Phil had got his permanent role, he decided to move to the other side of the city and by the time Dan quit uni he was already renting a place of his own.

He hated living alone, he didn’t really like the dark, and it was lonely sometimes. He had spent years trying to figure out an excuse to move back in with Phil, but after a while, it was clear that Phil had grown up a lot more than he let on. Dan assumed he wouldn’t want someone else living with him given he could afford his own place. Then he had saved up and bought his own house, that had kind of been the shattering of his hopes since someone with their own house had no need of a flatmate. Every day he cursed himself for not making a move earlier.

He picked a guy who he liked the look off and clicked onto messages. He had black hair and looked as though he hadn’t seen sunlight in months, very clearly ‘Phil looking’. From the short conversation they had had, he seemed a little dull but nice enough. After exchanging a few more messages, they arranged a date on Friday night. Since Phil was busy, he might as well be productive, and by productive he meant go on a date with someone he really had no intention of staying with. You never know though, maybe he could be a keeper. He let out a small laugh as they thought went through his head, it wasn’t too likely.

The flat felt a lot emptier than he thought it would when he finally said his Phone on the coffee table. The TV was playing some random show he wasn’t paying much attention to, he didn’t really have a reason to. He couldn’t turn to someone and comment on some particularly bad CGI or writing or enthuse over his favourite characters. The closest he could get was to scroll through Twitter or text Phil. He turned his attention to the TV but lost interest about halfway through the bitch fight between the two main characters and his eyes were drawn back to his phone.   

The guy he had set up with a date with, Tom, had sent him a rather flirty message. At least he wasn’t quite as dull as he first thought, although he wasn’t really in the mood to do anything tonight. He sent a message just saying hi and asking him a few questions that he hoped would deflect away from the flintiness and move onto something more subdued. He just wanted to get to know this guy first. He knew first hand that giving into sex easily got you nowhere when it came to finding someone looking for a long-lasting, healthy relationship. Well, it might work for some people, but it had never worked for him.

About five minutes in this guy wasn’t really giving up. He had even managed to turn a conversation about favourite animals sexual, and was feeling a little creeped out. The only reason he continued to talk to this guy was because they were already going on a date, and he was feeling a little lonely. At least he didn’t stoop down to the level of sending dick pics, although Dan could tell he was trying to steer in that direction. He told the guy he was going to bed and closed down the app before he could get a reply. Maybe he was just drunk or something, he wasn’t this bad the first time they spoke.

He considered cancelling the date, but he didn’t have anything else to do and they were going to a public area. If he did turn out to be a little creepy, it would be a fun story to tell Phil on Saturday. It was late, and he should be heading off to bed. Then again, he wasn’t on shift until the afternoon, and he wasn’t really tired. He decides to pick up the bag with his new games in them and flick through them. Maybe he should just check one, so he knew it would be good for when Phil came over. He wouldn’t know he had played it without him. Finally, he gave in, feeling a little guilty, but his best friend wouldn't find out anyway.

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

It was the day of the date, and all Phil wanted to do with sleep. He had an hour to get ready and he’d been on his feet all day, at least if he had been going to Dan's he could have dozed off and Dan probably wouldn’t have minded all that much. He sluggishly pulled on a nice-ish shirt and some clean jeans, desperately trying to rearrange his wilting fringe. He could probably do with a shower, but in his current state, he knew he might end up sitting on his bed with a towel for the next few hours and miss the date completely, just thinking about shit.

When he was done, he grabbed his keys and called a taxi. It would be better to be early, maybe if he was really nice then breaking the news to this poor woman that he wasn’t really interested in a relationship, wouldn’t come across so harsh. He Sank back against the uncomfortable and slightly smelly seat and watched as the streets of Manchester passed by. He wouldn’t be drinking or anything, but parking was hard to fund in the city centre. He groaned, when had his thoughts got so boring that he had to explain to himself why he was getting a taxi.

He checked his phone and really wished Dan would message him. He knew the younger man was going on a date tonight, so he was probably doing his best to pick out the best outfit he could and stile his mop of curly hair, but still. At least if the date went wrong, they were meeting up tomorrow and dan would need a bit of comforting, although he hoped it would go well for his best friend, even if it was with a heavy heart. He checked his appearance in the window, cringing with how tired he was. He really wasn’t up to this today, but it was too late to cancel now.

When he finally arrived (the journey didn’t actually take that long, but he was feeling dramatic) he plodded towards the restaurant feeling particularly downcast. He was sure that once his workload lifted a little and he was able to relax, he would be able to go back to his normal cheery self. He’d just been feeling so miserable lately, he was even beginning to let it break through the facade he always showed to Dan. he didn’t want to burden him with his problems. It was spitting and most people rushed along the pavement, covering their heads with bags, coats, folders, anything they could basically. Phil knew his hair would probably be ruined but he could just blame it on the weather.

He arrived at the place they had agreed to meet half an hour early. Despite his reservation not being for a while yet, the waiter led him to a booth so he could wait for Lauren. It was quiet, but not too quiet, and a pleasant temperature that made him feel sleepy. Dan had finally messaged him, but only to say good luck and how he was about to head off on his date, Phil reminded him to stay safe and he’d message him later on news of what had happened. Of course, he already knew the outcome of his own date, but he wasn’t going to divulge that.

Eventually, Lauren arrived. She looked pretty, pretty and nice, but not really Phil’s type. She slipped into the seat opposite him, looking a little unsure. Phil realised he should probably introduce himself and awkwardly stuck out his arm to her. She looked at it surprised, and a little confused, but took it anyway. Phil wanted to curl up into himself and disappear, he really wished he could act cool around new people, but he always seemed to lose all composure around strangers,

“Hi, I’m Phil,” he said with a weak smile,

“Lauren,” she replied, looking equally uncomfortable, but smiling politely all the same. They ordered drinks and began talking about their jobs, home life and anything else they could think of to avoid the awkward silence that would settle otherwise,

“So, you work with Dan,” Phil said matter of factly. Lauren nodded,

“Yeah, he’s a good kid,”

Phil hummed in agreement, wondering how his best friends date was going. Lauren smiled,

“He’s quite fond of you,”

“What do you mean?”

Lauren shrugged,

“He speaks very highly of you, and once he gets going, he’s quite difficult to stop talking,”

Phil laughed,

“That’s nice to know, and you are right about that. Sometimes I have to wait an hour to get a word in edgeways if he’s passionate about something. Not that it’s boring or anything, he just gets very excited about things I think,” he said, followed by a small hum after he zoned out slightly.

Lauren gave him an odd look, but returned the grin,

“Do you know what he’s up to tonight?”

Phil sighed,

“He’s on a date,” he was trying to sound cheery, but it came out as a little strained. He frowned to himself slightly, annoyed for letting his disdain at Dan’s dating life show. He noticed Lauren was looking a little worried and wiped the look off of his face as quickly as possible, replacing it with one as neutral as he could get it.

He didn’t mind, well he did, but not that much. Maybe this guy he was seeing would be nice and a good fit for him. He wanted that to be the case for dan, he really did. Then again, he didn’t if he was being truly honest. If Dan did decide to get serious, Phil could lose him. Not just as a potential boyfriend, but also as his friend. When dan got with people, he did have an alarming tendency to put them before everyone else, and that occasionally meant dropping Phil. The would still meet up and stuff, but not as often. His face morphed back into a frown and he was only woken from his thoughts by his date clicking in his face.

He jerked back so hard it hurt his neck and shook his head, unsure of how to react. He blinked a few times before turning back to Lauren. The woman looked slightly amused, although also a bit concerned,

“Are you alright there Phil, you sort of looked like you wanted to murder someone?”

Phil cleared his throat,

“I’m sorry, I just get lost in my thoughts sometimes,” he said hoarsely. Lauren nodded slowly,

“I can see,”

Luckily a few minutes later the food arrived, and they could switch their conversation to how nice the food was or an odd remark on the cooking process of a piece of meat. For the most part, however, they ate in silence. Phil didn’t dislike Lauren, no not at all, in fact, he thought maybe they could be good friends. It’s just she wasn’t really someone he could picture himself being with. They didn’t have the easy flow of conversation like he did with Dan and he wasn’t really sure that she was ok with him drifting off into his own little world from time to time.

He didn’t want to lead her on really, and it would soon be getting the point where he had to break the news to her. Luckily, she didn’t appear to be too into him. Whilst usually that wasn’t the best thing and may have knocked his confidence considerably, now it was a great relief. He was starving, but at the same time didn’t feel like eating. A common feeling for him nowadays, and a rather unpleasant one. He felt the anxiety rise within him, gnawing at his stomach like a frustrated rat on a piece of sideboard. He looked up at Lauren after a moment to find she was studying him intently. He was about to say something, but she interrupted him,

“I know you don’t want to be here,”

He froze and shook his head. Had he really been acting that distant? He wanted her to feel comfortable, not like she wasn’t wanted.

“No, you’re nice,” he said slightly panicked. Lauren smiled,

“That may be, but you clearly have a thing for Dan. why don’t you just ask him?” she said knowingly. Phil sighed in relief but felt his face flush red from embarrassment. He shrugged, unable to meet her eyes,

“He’ll say yes you know, I almost guarantee it,”

He shook his head,

“I’ve known him for ten years and I couldn’t even guarantee it,” he groaned, “that’s why I haven’t asked,”

She only laughed,

“You are clueless aren’t you, and so is Dan from the look of it. No wonder his dating life is such a catastrophe, he probably isn’t even trying,” she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Phil looked at her with a puzzled expression,

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t he be trying hard?”

Lauren rolled her eyes,

“Because he likes you! I know there was something going on from the moment he brought you up,”

Phil shook his head,

“No, I don’t think so,” he said miserably, “Why would he have set me up with you if he liked me?”

Lauren gave him a sympathetic smile,

“I don’t really know,” she said quietly, “Maybe he thinks that if you go into a relationship, he can stop being hung up on you or something?”

Phil leant back in his chair, considering this new prospective sceptically.  He didn’t really believe it, it was reaching a little too far for him, although it was a nice thought,

“So why do you like Dan so much?” Lauren asked curiously, leaning in over the table. Phil frowned,

“Why do you want to know. Aren’t you like annoyed at me for not wanting to go out with you? I have basically wasted your evening,”

Lauren scoffed and waved her hand in dismissal.

“I didn’t have anything else to do anyway, and I like gossip. Besides dessert is coming so and I’m not missing my cheesecake for the world,” she paused and looked at him, “besides you’re nice, and when you aren’t trying too hard, you’re quite nice to talk you,”

He didn’t want to lie, that made him feel quite nice inside and he felt himself beginning to relax,

“What do you want to know then?” he asked. Lauren grinned,

“Tell me everything from the start, I want to know so I can advise,”

Phil raised an eyebrow,

“Are you like this with all your dates?” he asked slightly amused. She sniffed indignantly, but quickly caved,

“I wouldn't say this is the first time I’ve giving dating advice to a potential suitor,” she said sheepishly, “I guess it’s just the sort of person I am,”

Phil sighed and began to recant his tale, with Lauren eagerly listening to every word. What was it with straight girls and gay relationships?

“Well we met online and talked for a while, we really hit it off and would spend hours on Skype to each other. Then he got a place at Manchester University and needed someone to live with and I was already renting a flat, so he used to come over a lot. We were roommates for a while actually, it was great, but then he moved out. I never really understood why. After a bit, I got my own place which was when he started dating seemingly everybody, but we still meet up every Friday. Well, apart from tonight, but we are meeting up tomorrow,” he said, a smile creeping onto his face,

“He’s just such an amazing person. I like his sense of humour and we have so many things in common. We listen to the same music, like the same films. But at the same time, we aren’t too similar, you know? Like we complement each other in a weird sort of way. All that and he’s crazy attractive and his eyes are so pretty. Not only that but he’s like my height which is awesome, and he has the cutest dimple. I was going to ask him out when we first met, but I never did. I was too scared, and he was younger than me, it just felt weird. Mow it’s too late though and even now I could be losing him forever,”

He didn’t notice how sad he was getting until he finished and found himself on the brink of tears,

“Oh, it’s alright sweetie,” Lauren said soothingly, “Just tell him and I’m sure he’ll drop anything with the guy he’s with straight away. You don’t want to leave it too long though,”

By this point, their desserts arrived and Phil pushed him over to Lauren who wolfed it down with vigour. At this point, his mind was racing too much and the nerves in his chest where too much to stomach food. He really wanted to go out and see how Dan’s date was going. At the same time though he usually waited to see if dan would call him after a date in case he rang while they were doing ‘things’. He made a resolve though that he would ring Dan, if he caught them mid-act then never mind, he’d caught Dan doing worse in person.

It was still reasonably early in the night when they bid farewell and parted ways. Lauren told him that he expected Dan to be proclaiming them boyfriends by the time he was back in work, although she had thankfully promised not to say a word to Dan in case that wasn’t the result. He didn’t fully trust her to keep the secret however and he would rather it come from his rather than Lauren. He pulled out his Phone and clicked on Dan’s number which was the top of his speed dial list. He expected it not to be answered, but surprisingly it was accepted almost immediately,

“Phil!” Dan exclaimed, sounding somewhat relieved and very drunk, “You have to come and pick me up,”

Phil frowned,

“Aren’t you still on your date?”

“I had to get out, come and pick me up outside the Red Lion before he comes and looked for me,”

There was a great bit of urgency in his voice which made Phil flag down a taxi and give the driver the location of the pup in a tone that was not his usual polite self in the slightest. When he went back to the phone however, dan had hung up, and he was left sitting in the back of the cab worried out of his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan hovered around nervously, one eye on the door, and one eye on the road, keeping a lookout for Phil. His phone was held firmly in his hand, although he had squeezed it so hard it had accidentally hung up on Phil, and he was too out of it to think to call him back. His head was fuzzy and movements slow. His date had been just as creepy in real life as in those texts he had sent the other night, and he didn’t take no for an answer. He plied Dan with alcohol the entire night, and Dan took it because he felt so uncomfortable in this man’s presence. He thought the drinking would make him loosen up a little, but it only made it worse.

They had finished dinner and were just grabbing drinks at the bar when things got unbearable. The guy went from leaning over the table a little too far and stabbing his feet into dan's shins, to actually grabbing at his thighs. As intoxicated as he was, Dan could tell what this man’s intentions were and he wanted nothing to do with it. He had had to wait until he had gone off to the toilets though so he could get out. Otherwise, he just kept getting held back and pressed against the wall. It was awful. Now he was terrified the guy would come and chase after him. He just wanted to go home.

He was beginning to shiver, the alcohol only working to lower his body temperature, but he didn’t want to go back into the pub. Even if he was surrounded by other people, this guy frightened him. He was scared he would get dragged into a dark corner or forced to leave into the night. He recognized the type of person this guy was and didn’t doubt that he would play dirty to get what he wanted. Going on this date was a mistake. He just hoped he wasn’t going to ruin Phil’s. What if Phil wasn’t going to come? What if he just assumed that Dan was too drunk to know what he was saying and just stayed with Lauren? He shook his head, no, Phil would come for him. He wasn’t the type of friend who would just leave him hanging if he had a request like that. Even so . . .

He tried to wave down a cab, but a mixture of his fumbled movements and practically green face (caused by both the increasing need to vomit and anxiety over what might happen to him) were enough to persuade them that he wasn’t likely to be the best passenger. He thought of calling an uber, but when he went to sign into his phone, he lost his grip and it fell onto the pavement. He bent down to grab it, praying it wasn’t damaged, but even that simple movement was a challenge. When he raised up to full height, a wave of nausea overcame him, and he had to close his eyes for a few moments to steady himself.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. He spun around to see his date looking at him with a firm grip still on his shoulder,

“What are you doing out here? Do you want to go home, I can take you if you’d like,” he said leaning in close, eyes flicking over him as though he were a piece of meat.

Dan shook his head and pulled away, stumbling towards the road,

“A friend’s picking me up,” he managed to spit out, only half coherent and struggling to remove the stubborn man’s hand from himself.

Suddenly a taxi drew up beside them and the door swung open. Phil got out and wrenched Dan away from creepy dude, he had long forgotten his name and put himself in between them. Dan grabbed onto his best friend with a frightening grip,

“What are you doing?” the guy said irritably,

“What are _you_ doing?” Phil replied sharply, “You were hurting him,”

The guy scoffed,

“I was not. Besides he’s really drunk, I was just taking him home,” He said, making another move to grab at Dan. Since he was also a little drunk, his movements were slow, and Phil was able to bat him aside with little difficulty. Phil looked over to Dan questioningly, who shook his head and pulled him towards the cab.

Phil went to help him in, but Dan’s date was having none of it. He spun Phil around looking angry,

“Get off him, you don’t know him. He doesn’t want to go home with you,”

Phil rolled his eyes and yanked his wrist away from where it was being held,

“He’s my best friend. He called me and told me to come and pick him up, now I can see why. Leave him alone and don’t try and contact him again. I suggest trying to work on your method of trying to hook up with people before you get thrown in prison creep,”

He got into the cab after Dan and told the driver the younger man’s address. Once they had pulled away and turned off the street, Dan sighed a breath of belief. He hadn’t properly told Phil what had happened, but he was glad he had gotten the gist of it. He dreaded to think what would have happened if he hadn’t been able to leave. He was still pretty shaken up, and really drunk, but at least he was safe now. He leaned onto Phil’s shoulder and closed his eyes, muscles aching from the tension they had been carrying all afternoon.

“What happened, are you ok? He didn’t do anything to you did he?” Phil asked, sounding panicked.

To be honest, Dan didn’t really want to talk about it. He had been terrified, and now that it was over, he just wanted to repress that it had happened. At least for tonight, he would discuss it properly in the morning when he was sober and had calmed down a little. He wasn’t quite sure how to express this to Phil, but his silence seemed to give him the idea and he stopped asking. He did, however, spend the rest of the journey shooting worried looks over, which made him feel a little bad for keeping him in the dark.

They arrived at Dan’s house and Phil had to help him to the door, stopping halfway to allow the younger man to empty the contents of his stomach onto the pavement. When they finally arrived at the battered entrance to the block of flats, Dan noticed Phil was hanging back. He beckoned him over,

“Come on,” he slurred. Phil looked uncomfortable,

“Are you sure you want me to come in, you’ve been through quite a lot,” he said quietly. Dan shook his head vigorously, immediately realising his mistake and bending over to puke again. He didn’t want to be alone today. Besides he wasn’t even sure he would be able to get to bed on his own, god forbid if the lift wasn’t working.

Phil gave him a sympathetic smile and supported him as he stumbled inside. He leant onto the older man and hummed in content. He felt so warm and nice, he just wanted to go to sleep. One hand clutched at his shirt and Phil dragged him along the corridor towards his flat. Phil laughed gently,

“Hey, don’t fall asleep yet, I can’t carry you,”

Dan yawned,

“But you’re comfy,” he groaned, clutching onto him even tighter. He was wary of Phil’s reaction, knowing even in his drunken state he was crossing a few lines. The older man remained relaxed and only smiled at him fondly, so all fears where temporarily quenched. At least he wasn't acting disgusted or too embarrassed, although they had known each other for so long now that he didn’t expect that. He was assuming he was only putting up with dan being so clingy because he was drunk, and Phil felt sorry for him.

 They had to take a stop off in the lounge as all the movement was only causing him to feel even sicker, and he ended up slumping down onto the sofa trying not to gang. Phil ran off to the kitchen to fetch a bucket, but the best he could find was a bin. A mixture of the violent retching of his stomach and the smell of spoiled food and the general bin odour caused him to heave and dump everything he had eaten at dinner into the unfortunate receptacle. He didn’t miss how Phil grimaced as a bit splashed onto his shirt.

After he had finished and move the bin aside, Phil sank down onto the couch next to him. Dan tiredly rested his head on the other man's shoulder, sighing contentedly. He felt significantly better and was already beginning to sober up, and thought was still a little fuzzy. He still felt shaky, although he felt safe with Phil by his side. He was almost ready to fall asleep when Phil spoke up,

“Dan? are you going to tell me what happened earlier?” he asked worriedly. Dan stared hard at the ground in front of him,

“It was nothing,” he replied quietly. Phil frowned, looking at him incredulously,

“You seem pretty shaken up, I want to know what he did. We might have to go to the police or something. Besides you will feel better telling someone,” he said carefully. Dan shook his head,

“you don't need to call the police Phil,” he murmured, annoyed by how slurred his voice still was, “I’m fine, nothing happened,” he said irritated. For a few moments he thought Phil was going to let it slide, but no such luck,

“Then why did you call me to pick you up? Why were you trying to get away from that guy so badly? And why won’t you talk about it?” he returned, his teacher voice coming out a little. Dan rolled his eyes,

“Why do you want to know so badly?” Dan almost growled.

“Because I care about you and I’m worried that if you don’t tell me now, you never will. I don’t want you to live with something that has scared you so much and I have no idea how to help,” he replied, not quite managing to hide the hurt that had seeped into his voice. Dan softened almost instantly.

He knew Phil only wanted to know so he could help, but dan was embarrassed, to be honest. He should have cancelled the date when that guy first started getting creepy or at least left before he got completely bladdered. He was a grown man for god's sake, and he couldn’t even fight off this other guy. He wished he had just stayed at home and played video games, not only that but he had also ruined Phil’s date in the process. Even so, he trusted Phil not to judge him and caved,

“He didn’t do anything too bad, he just wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept touching me and saying suggestive stuff. I was too afraid to leave or call you until I thought I’d gotten away from him, but he followed me outside. I was more frightened at what would have happened if you hadn’t got there when you did,” He murmured, rubbing his hands over one another nervously.

“What would he have done?” Phil asked, voice small. Dan swallowed thickly,

“I think he might have. . .” he trailed off not wanting to continue, but Phil got the idea.

Phil leaned over and enveloped him in a tight hug. Dan buried his face into the other man’s shoulder and squeezed as tight as he could. He didn’t feel like crying, he was more in shock than truly upset, and he was just glad to have his best friend. After a few minutes Phil pulled away reluctantly and sniffed,

“I think you ought to get to bed, o you need any help?”

Dan shook his head, certain that he had sobered up enough to take care of himself,

“I think I’ll be alright,” he said with a weak smile, “You can have a shower and stay over if you’d like. Sorry I vomited on you,” he said with a small laugh. Phil smiled fondly,

“Are you sure you want me to stay over?”

Dan nodded, he really didn’t want Phil to leave,

“Please,”

He managed to get dressed without much trouble and felt very much relieved to be out of his sweaty clothes and just down to his boxers. He could hear Phil in the shower, and he felt secure that there was someone else in the house. Although at the same time he was still sort of jittery. Although his eyelids felt heavy and he was fighting off yawns every few minutes, he could not will himself to sleep. Phil headed into the lounge, probably so he could pass out on the sofa, it had been a long day for him.

He resisted the urge to call him over, ask him to stay by his side in case anything came to haunt him in the night, but he knew he couldn’t. Phil was just his friend, and no matter how much he wished otherwise, that wasn’t about to change anytime soon. Maybe it was because he was still drunk, or maybe he just craved the feeling of someone next to him who could protect him from his mind. Damn what was wrong with him today? He was half traumatized, half scared out of his wits, and now all he wanted to do was sleep next to his best friend. He turned over and sank his head into the pillow, already knowing he was going to be in for a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

Phil woke up feeling sore with one leg hanging off the edge of a sofa and the blanket he had been covered with only draped over his left arm. He groaned slightly and rolled over to shield his eyes from the bright sunlight filtering through the uncovered window. He pulled a cushion over his head, very much ready to go back to sleep, before the memories of last night came back to him. He crept over to Dan’s room and creaked the door open, trying his best not to disturb the sleeping man. He was snoring slightly, one arm over his eyes. Phil tiptoed into the kitchen and located some paracetamol as well as a glass of water, and left them on the bedside table next to his friend

Given how drunk Dan had been last night, he was pretty sure that it would be a while before he awakened. He didn’t want to go home since Dan had been adamant on him staying, but at the same time, he didn't have any stuff with him. His only clothes were slightly smelly and peppered with vomit, and he was currently wearing a spare pair of dan’s pyjamas. After a few minutes of consideration, he wrote out a quick note promising to return as soon as possible and headed home to gather his things. He pulled on his shirt, grimacing slightly at the stain that had been left and ordered an uber.

He stood outside the block of flats, scrolling through his phone. There was a text from Lauren telling him that she had had a nice time, but that was about it. He glanced back up at the building guiltily, he did feel bad for leaving Dan on his own. He knew Dan had been more bothered by what happened last night than he was letting on, maybe now he was sober it would catch up on him properly. He made a reminder in his head to delete that guys contact off of dan’s phone. He had never really liked confrontation that much and would probably just put it off much to his own detriment.

His uber pulled up, and he could tell the guy wasn't too happy with the smell that surrounded him. Even having had a shower last night, the pong of his shirt was enough to repel anyone in the nearby vicinity. When he finally got home, he plopped down on his bed for a moment, relishing in how much softer it was that the sofa he had been crammed onto. With a reluctant groan he heaven himself up and walked over to his wardrobe, pulling out a few t-shirts and sliding one on. He also decided to pack a few extra things in case dan wanted him to stay tonight as well. Phil didn’t mind staying to care for Dan, he just preferred to do it in clean clothes.

He also grabbed a bag of marking which was due in soon and drove his own car back to Dan’s. When he arrived, Dan had already woken up and was standing by the kitchen counter nursing his hangover with a bowl of cereal,

“Where did you go?” he huffed. Phil put his bag down on the floor,

“I just popped back home to get changed, how are you this morning?”

Dan shrugged,

“Ok I guess, my head hurts and I can’t find my phone though,” he said miserably.

“Do you want me to call it for you?”

Dan nodded, and soon a gentle humming was coming from the other end of the flat,

“How did it even get there,” Dan asked grumpily, quickly going in search of it. Soon the noise stopped, and Dan returned, frowning at the screen.

“Are you ok?” Phil asked, concerned by dan’s expression. Dan looked unsure. That guy from last night keeps messaging me,

“Oh my Good block him!” Phil exclaimed, reaching the grab the phone off of Dan. dan pulled it away and continued to scroll through the texts looking uncomfortable before his eyes blew wide,

“He said he wants to see me again, and he knows where I live,” he replied, going pail. Phil bit his lip,

“I’m sure he doesn’t, he’s just saying that to mess with you,”

Dan shook his head and turned the phone to Phil, where Dan’s address was fully written out, underneath an extremely graphic text about all the things he was going to do to Dan when he saw him again. Phil suddenly became very uneasy,

“Right, let’s call the police. He can’t get into the building, right? There’s a code on the door,” he said, attempting to remain as calm as possible. Dan clenched his fists,

“I’m not going to call the police, it’s stupid. He can’t get into the building, but I do have to go to work on Monday so I can’t stay in here forever,” he said nervously, rubbing his hands together and his eyes twitched towards the window. Phil sighed, he knew that calling the police would probably be the best option, but if Dan was so opposed to it, he couldn’t go against that.

“Alright then, do you want to come and stay over at mine until this whole thing blows over? I’m sure it won't be long until he finds someone else to harass,”

Dan nodded eagerly, not even taking a moment to think about it,

“We can stay here and play some of my new games, and then I’ll pack, and we’ll head over to yours,”

Phil smiled,

“I guess I didn’t have to pop home and get these bags anyway,”

They settled down on the sofa, dan seeming much more relieved now that he knew that he could stay at Phil’s, although still a little on edge. When there was a loud knock on the door, he almost jumped several feet off the couch. Luckily, however, it was just the postman with the usual lot of bills and flyers for pizza places. Eventually, they finished the multiplayer stage on this particular game, and Phil decided he would get in some marking whilst Dan continued solo and remembered he had left his bag with his marking in the car.

“I’m just popping out to the car, be back in a sec,” he called, Dan grunted in acknowledgement, not taking his eyes off the screen for a moment. Phil rolled his eyes and headed down the stairs.

There was a row of cars parked along the road, most visitors of residents of the building he assumed, most residents had their own parking spaces. His was at the far end of the street, looking rather battered but still usable. He unlocked it and went rooting for his back. When he eventually located it, he hauled the heavy satchel over his shoulder and stretched his back after being bent down for so long. He was getting too old to spend all day sat on a sofa, oh and sleeping on one. He had the odd feeling someone was looking at him, but when he scoured the area it was empty. He shook it off and headed back inside.

By the time Phil had finally finished his marking, it was dark. He had to prize dan away from his console with the promise of pizza and the insistence that he needed to pack if he was coming to stay for a few days. Dan was very reluctant to let go of his controller, but eventually went into his room with a case and began to haphazardly throw things into it. As long as he had his laptop, phone, chargers and enough underwear to last him a week, he should be fine. Within about two minutes he had finished, and Phil had to commend him on the sheer speed at which he was capable of doing so.

He helped Dan drag the case into the lift, and they stood in comfortable silence as they rumbled down to the bottom floor. Phil had to repeatedly stifle yawns, he couldn’t wait to sink into his nice warm bed. As they left the building and emerged into the muggy Manchurian air. The street lights cast the whole area in a dull orange glow and reflected off of the windows of the cars parked along the road. Only a few remained, dark and void of life. As they were getting into Phil’s car, Dan turned to him,

“I don’t feel right,” he said uneasily, eyes flicking around the surrounding area, where they locked onto one of the cars.

“What is it?” Phil asked anxiously, poor eyesight letting him down. Dan didn’t reply, only pointed at the car and huddled closer to his friend. Phil squinted and made out a face looking at them through the window. He immediately saw red.

He wasn’t the confrontational type, nor as he particularly emotional or brave really. In most situations like this he would have got the fuck out of there as soon as possible, but not today. He stormed towards the car, ignoring Dan’s pleas to come back, and knocked on the window so hard he was worried he might shatter it. The guy inside merely rolled down his window slowly, flashing him a false smile, slightly yellow teeth on full display. Why had Dan even agreed to meet this guy,

“How can I help you?” he said sweetly. Phil was seething,

“You know what I want,” he said between gritted teeth. The man feigned a frown,

“And what is that?”

“For you to leave us alone!” he hissed, “I’ll call the police if I have to,”

The man laughed quietly,

“This has nothing to do with you, get our precious little friend to come over and I might have a chat. It was such a shame that our date got cut short last night,”

Phil glanced over to Dan who was watching intently with wide, frightened eyes. He was pressed against the car and had one hand clutched firmly onto the handle. He was shaking slightly under the hungry gaze of his stalker. Phil had to stop himself from reaching in and grabbing the man by the throat. He wasn’t violent, he wouldn’t even harm a fly, but there was something about this man that just made him want to rip his tongue out through his throat,

“He is coming nowhere near you ever again,” he growled, “Now fuck off,”

He heard the man chuckle to himself as Phil went back towards the car and gestured for Dan to get in,

“Why did you do that,” Dan groaned, having gone almost as pale as Phil, “You didn’t have to provoke him,”

He looked to be on the verge of tears. Phil felt bad, but at the same time, he couldn’t understand why Dan didn’t want to do anything about it. He decided they couldn’t go on doing nothing and began to drive away. He was aware that the car behind them also pulled out but did his best not to acknowledge it. About ten minutes into the journey when Dan realised something was up,

“Where are we going, your house is miles away from here?” he said sitting up in his chair,

“I’m taking us to the police station,” Phil said sternly, keeping his eyes forward on the road. Dan almost lost it,

“I said I didn’t want to go the police,” he exclaimed, “Why won’t you listen to me,” Phil’s hands tightened on the steering wheel,

“Because this man is legitimately dangerous, and I don’t want to lead him back to my house. Then you'll have nowhere safe to stay,”

Dan leant back and groaned,

“Then why are you taking us halfway across the city? There is a police station on your street,”

Phil sighed in frustration,

“Because he is following us, and if he can figure out the area where I live, he could probably find us,”

Dan looked around anxiously, squinting to see out of the back window,

‘Can’t we just wait at the police station until he leaves, and then go home,” He said quietly. Phil ran his hand through his hair in frustration,

“Why won’t you go to the police, Dan? What has happened that you don’t want to talk about?” he said carefully. Dan sighed and slumped in defeat,

“It isn’t that, I just want this to be over. I thought maybe he would just leave me alone and I could forget about it. Plus, it’s embarrassing to let yourself get in that position, and if it went to court everyone would know,”

Phil reached over and squeezed Dan’s arm comfortingly,

“You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about Dan,” he said gently, “You would be doing a good thing. What if he does leave you alone? What does that mean? That he’s moved onto someone else, someone who is more vulnerable than you? That isn’t fair, is it?”

Dan looked down into the footwell and rubbed his hands together nervously,

“I guess not,” he said with a heavy breath, “Ok, but you need to stay with me, you can’t just bugger off things get bad”

Phil smiled,

“When have I ever let you down?”

Dan smiled slightly and leaned into his friend,

“Never,” he murmured,

“There we go then,”


	7. Chapter 7

By the time they left the police station, there was no sign of his stalker, but Dan was still very much on edge. Relaying everything that had happened had really shaken him up, it made everything so real. They had been very nice and had enough evidence from both of their testimonies and the messages that Dan had received to put an arrest warrant on him. They were also planning to get a hold of the security footage of the pub where they met up, that was it would be easier to press charges. At the very least Dan would be able to get a restraining order put on him, although the best case scenario was that he would be thrown in jail.

He could understand now why Phil had been so insistent that they went to the police and was immensely glad to have him by his side. Not only did it make him feel a lot safer, but he always felt happier when Phil was around, even if he had been through something traumatising. Hopefully, he could forget the ordeal once the legal stuff was dealt with, and he’d always have an excuse to hand out with Phil. Of course, he would prefer to have an excuse that didn’t include the possibility of him being permanently affected mentally, but he couldn’t change what had happened.

Even with the positives, he still wasn’t feeling great. He was exhausted, and he couldn't stop his eyes from roaming the surrounding road, terrified he’d spot a familiar car trailing behind. He could also see that Phil was acting off, and the route he took home was convoluted and erratic. It gave the whole ride a sense of unease, one that he couldn’t see lifting for a while yet. His life had been fine before, now this had happened, and everything was messed up. Why hadn’t he acknowledged the signs? Why did he have to date in the first place? He never had any intentions of staying with them. Phil kept telling him that it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t see how it wasn’t. He was so stupid, why had he dragged Phil into this mess with him.

Luckily Phil had a garage, as he didn’t feel completely comfortable leaving his car out on the street where it could be seen. They got out in silence and made their way into the house, Phil yawned and announced he was heading off to bed. Dan nodded quietly and took his things into Phil’s spare room. It was pleasant, with big windows shrouded with a pair of reasonably dust free curtains. There was a row of wardrobes lined against one wall, each one filled with the crap that Phil had no idea where else to put. The bed covers were a bright blue and green, Dan ran his hands over them, remembering when Phil had had these on his bed all those years ago when they first met.

He missed those years. He had been so close to Phil, not just in a friendly way. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and curl up next to his best friend. Unfortunately, whilst when they were both a lot younger that was somewhat acceptable, it just wasn’t any more. He got changed into some tracky bottoms and climbed into bed, eyes locked on the window. It was locked and there was no way to get to it, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t get the image of his stalker climbing through it during the night. He didn’t know where he was staying, they had made so sure of that. Even if he did turn up the police station wasn’t that far away. He still couldn’t help but feel nervous.

He stayed staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours before he heard footsteps out in the hallway. Immediately he froze, eyes locked on the small crack of the door. The hallway light was turned on, and he relaxed slightly when he recognised Phil’s muppets pyjamas. Phil seemed to sense dan’s eyes on him and turned towards the door,

“Can’t sleep?” he murmured, and Dan nodded. Phil inched the door open and walked towards the bed as Dan sat up, sliding so his feet were planted on the floor. The older man slid down next to him, the frame creaking a little under their combined weight.

“You’re safe now, there's nothing to worry about,” he said calmly, squeezing Dan's arm in a comforting manner,

“Then why are you awake?” Dan asked dryly. Phil shrunk back slightly,

“I’m just not tired,” he said with a forced smile. Dan shook his head,

“Don’t lie to me, you’ve been complaining about how tired you’ve been all day and it’s like four in the morning,” he said sceptically. Phil sighed sadly,

“Alright, I guess I’m just a bit wound up,” he replied, so quietly it was almost a whisper, “My mind is racing a bit. I’m worried about you,”

Dan looked at him worried and Phil cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter,

“Sorry, I should be asking you what’s wrong. Are you scared of him coming back?”

Dan paused and considered lying. Phil was clearly very concerned about him, and it certainly was affecting him. He didn’t want his best friend to suffer anymore, especially when he was being so kind and supportive. He’d given him somewhere to stay, he’d convinced him to go to the police, he’d stood up to his bad date, and he’d dropped a date to come and pick him up. He’d never asked about that date. He made a note to himself to ask Phil about it at another time. Lying, however, was something Phil always seemed to [pick up on, and dan doubted he could hide his true feelings for very long from someone who knew him so well.

He took a long breath and nodded,

“Yeah, a little bit,” he murmured, leaning his head onto Phil’s shoulder, savouring his warmth, “I know it’s silly, I just can’t get the thought out of my mind,”

Phil rested his chin on top of Dan’s head, each intake of air ruffling Dan's messy curls. Dan wanted nothing more than to turn and bury his head into Phil’s chest and be held tightly by his best friend. Maybe, just maybe then he might feel safe. The urge was almost impossible to shrug off, but he forced himself to stay as still as possible and relish in the contact he had. Unfortunately, his sudden tensing seemed to make Phil pull away, probably thinking he was making the younger man uncomfortable. Dan yearned to pull him back, but he only watched as Phil shifted along the bed so there was a gap between them,

“Try and get some sleep,” he said with a forced smile, before standing up and leaving Dan alone.

Dan didn’t move for a long while, a mixture of fear and annoyance at himself stopping him from sliding back under the covers. Eventually, he gave up trying to sleep and tiptoed into the kitchen. Phil’s door was open, and Dan could see him asleep, snoring gently. He smiled slightly, glad that his exhausted best friend was finally getting some rest and assured by the fact that he was so close by. He got himself a glass of water and heading into the living room. The curtains were drawn and the street outside was still.

He spent a moment convincing himself he was safe before switching on the tv, making sure the volume was low enough so as not to disturb Phil. All that was on at this time of night (well early morning really), was a few telemarketing programs and reruns of some random American program he had never heard of before. He switched to Netflix and turned on some random documentary. It was a little difficult to get into, eyes were more drawn to the windows than the actual screen. Eventually, however, he began to slowly relax, and he began to very briefly forget about his troubles.

By the time he snapped back into reality the sun had risen, the light it brought adding a new sense of security to his troubled mind. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs and had a small moment of panic before realizing it was probably just Phil. even so he held his breath unto a familiar figure popped into the room, yawning as he stumbled over to the sofa in a zombie-like fashion. He spotted dan on the sofa and frowned,

“Have you been here all night?” he asked worriedly, “You need to get some sleep,”

Dan shrugged and had to fight off a yawn, the multiple days of little sleep and almost constant stress and worry finally catching up with him. Phil sighed,

“I’ll get you a blanket and you can sleep on the sofa if you’d like,” he said gently, “I’ll be right here. I have to get some work done on my computer anyway,”

Dan smiled, but shook his head,

“It’s ok, I’ll just go and take a nap upstairs,” he murmured, “You get your work done and don’t worry about me,”

Phil watched him go, seemingly worried but didn’t comment on his concerns. The moment he slipped under the covers, he was out like a light. It was a relief for him to sleep, the constant exhaustion he had been feeling all night was becoming borderline unbearable. Even so, unconsciousness wasn’t enough to shield him from the events of the last few days. He woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat, images flashing across his mind that he’d rather not be there.

He sunk back against the bed, on the verge of tears. He wanted to sleep so badly, but he couldn’t even do that. His body was sore and sluggish, but his mind was racing. After a few more minutes, too afraid to sleep once more, he went back downstairs. Phil was sat on the sofa, eyes focused intently on the screen in front of him. He looked adorable, black hair swept up into a messy quiff and glasses framing his face in a very flattering way. He noticed Dan had returned when the younger man cleared his throat and placed the device aside,

“You haven’t been asleep very long,” he said with a frown, “You should head back, you look awful,”

“I can’t,” Dan mumbled, collapsing onto the sofa next to him, lying down so his head was almost on to of Phil. Phil didn’t seem to mind at all and gently placed his hand onto Dan's hair,

“Why not?” he asked softly, voice calm and warm. Dan allowed his eyes to close as Phil’s fingers carded through his hair, humming in content,

“Nightmare,” he murmured. Under normal circumstances that would be something he would rather jump off a cliff than admit, but he was exhausted, and Phil made him want to sleep again. Phil gave him a sympathetic smile and continued stroking his head. Dan was too tired to think much about it. He soon found him drifting off again, and whilst a brief panic set in when he thought about what might happen, it was soon put to rest by Phil’s repetitive movements.

No nightmares plagued his mind this time, although when he woke up, he was upset to find Phil was no longer next to him. He sat up and groaned at how stiff his back felt, multiple cracking sounds piercing the quiet from as he stretched out with a yawn,

“Do you feel a bit better now,” a voice came from the doorway, and Dan looked up to see Phil leaning against the doorframe. Dan nodded slowly, but gestured Phil to come over, to which he gladly obliged.

Dan immediately shuffled closer and pressed himself against his best friend. The older man looked a little confused, but carefully slipped his arm around Dan,

“Much better thank you,” he said, voice muffled as he buried his head in Phil’s neck, “Thank you, for everything,”

Phil squeezed a little tighter,

“It was the least I could do,”

Dan shook his head,

“No, you didn’t have to do any of this. You didn’t have to help me or give me somewhere to stay, but you did. Thank you,”

Phil didn’t reply, but the silence he left was warm and pleasant. Dan hummed to himself happily, and he knew that as long as Phil was by his side, he’d be safe. All he had to do now was overcome his fear in admitting his true feelings to his best friend and deal with all that this new situation had to offer, that wasn’t daunting at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Dan knew it wouldn’t be an option for Phil to be with constantly, but it was still upsetting to see him leave. Unlike Dan, Phil had no grounds to take time off, and it was unlikely that the school would approve it even if he did. He was hesitant as dan waved him off that morning, promising he would be back as soon as possible. Dan knew that he most likely wouldn’t be back until late, he always had stuff to do. There was a police officer coming over later to question him a little more, the thought of it made him shudder. It was bad enough at the station and he had at least had some moral support.

The house was quiet and dan’s anxiety was a constant pressure on his shoulders. He was jumping at every sound and had double checked every locked window and door at least three times in the several hours he had been alone. The rest of the time had been spent feverishly peeking through the curtains to check for any unfamiliar cars on the road or god forbid a pedestrian on the pavement, every movement left him wearily. He’d taken the next week off work, just to clear his head, a little break. No hours worked meant he wouldn’t get paid, but the lack of wages was well worth his peace of mind.

He occupied himself once again with the television, although struggled massively to find anything he could truly invest himself in. his phone remained clutched in his had the whole time, almost subconsciously. He eventually opened the curtains as when they swayed in the drafty house, he was prone to jumping thinking that someone was moving them aside. The exposure made him a little uncomfortable, but at least it gave him a clear view of outside. It was a nice sunny day, and some part of him wished he could go for a pleasant walk, preferably with Phil in tow.

At around midday, there was a knock on the door. The sudden noise startled dan, but as he peered through the window, he was relieved to see the fluorescent yellow of a police officer’s uniform. He opened the door carefully, inviting the policewoman inside. He offered to make her a cup of tea, but she politely declined, asking him to sit opposite her so they could discuss his situation,

“Mr Howell, you claim this man has been stalking you,” she asked in a serious tone. Dan nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his seat,

“Yeah, he just keeps popping up and he threatened to get inside my house,” he murmured quietly. She nodded understandingly,

“We picked up a man of your description hovering around an apartment building late last night. He had several warrants for his arrest, I would like to come to the station and maybe identify him. After that, we can discuss charges,”

Dan paused, unsure. He didn’t want to go to the station and see him again. What if he was let out, what if he followed him again, what if he actually did something this time? What if it wasn’t the right guy and then he would just be putting himself at an even greater risk of being found? The policewoman seemed to sense his internal panic and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder,

“It’s ok, we won’t let anything happen to you,” she said softly. Dan still wasn’t confident in that,

“Can my friend come?” he asked timidly, ashamed of how much like a little kid he sounded like. The police officer gave him a sympathetic smile and shook her head,

“I’, afraid we have to get this done as soon as possible. Did your friend also see this man?” Dan nodded. The policewoman pursed her lips and sighed,

“We’ll try and get him in later this evening, but you will do for now. Come on, I will drive you to the station,”

Dan sensed he didn't have much choice in the matter and followed the woman nervously. The sun was warm and pleasant on his pale skin, but it only worked to make him feel more exposed. He got into the car and they drove in an uncomfortable and heavy silence. He looked down at his phone to see that Lauren had texted him asking if he was well. He felt guilty for not sharing what had happened with her, but it was rather personal. He had yet to ask Phil how his date went with her, things kept getting in the way.

When they finally arrived at the station, Dan was led inside and up to an interrogation room where his suspected stalker was supposedly being held. Even on the other side of one-way glass, he didn’t feel entirely safe, something that multiplied exponentially when he recognised the man slouched casually in the plastic chair. He stepped back, shaking slightly,

“That's him,” he managed to spit out, wishing he had protested more to coming,

“Are you absolutely sure,” the policewoman asked, and Dan nodded quickly. Seeing his terrified state, she quickly directed him away from the man being obtained and into a slightly more pleasant room,

“I can see you are very shaken up by this Mr Howell and I am very sorry about that,” she said quietly, “But I do have to ask you if you would like to press charges against this man,”

Dan gulped, he knew what Phil would want him to say,

“You said there are warrants against him, what are they for?” he asked, not meeting her eye. The policewoman paused,

“I’m sorry, but I’m not permitted to say,” she replied,

“Will he go to jail?” Dan pressed. The policewoman sighed,

“We have sufficient evidence to believe that he will end up saving time,” she said solemnly,

“For how long,” he could tell she was quickly becoming irritated by his questioning but remained calm and professional. It began to annoy him a little how little emotion she seemed to be 

“A long time, 10+ years we should expect,”

Dan gulped, what had he done that was that bad he was going to get ten years in prison. Had he killed someone? He had been on a date with that guy, he could have been the next victim. He glanced around the room anxiously as the woman's eyes bored into his head. He milled things over for a few minutes before coming to his conclusion,

“I don’t want to press charges,” he said eventually, “I want this all to be over,”

The woman pursed her lips and frowned,

“Are you absolutely sure?” she asked and Dan nodded, although it was more to convince himself than anything else. He knew Phil wouldn’t be happy with him. He didn’t want his best friend to think he was chickening out or anything like that. Phil only wanted what was best for dan, but if this guy was going to prison for so long anyway, what was the point in putting himself through a court case. It did concern him that this man had so many people looking for him and hunting him down, yet he still hadn’t been caught. What had the police been doing for all this time?

The policewoman, looked him over a few times before announcing he was free to go. Now that there was little danger to his life, the person he had been so worried about was locked in a room, after all, he didn’t get a ride home. That fact that he shouldn’t be afraid however didn’t quite seem to settle in his head. He began the half an hour or so walk to Phil’s house, but was still incredibly nervous. Anybody he passed who was even slightly familiar put him on edge, and he wanted nothing more than to get inside that house and slam the door shut behind him.

When he finally arrived back at the house, he let out a deep sigh of relief slumped against the wall. He texted Phil the news but left out the part about not pressing charges. He knew Phil would be mad about it, and he really needed his best friend at the moment. He was about to press send the realisation dawned on him. What if Phil didn’t want him here anymore. It would make sense; it wasn’t as if he had much of an excuse any more. His finger hovered over the screen for a moment before he turned it off and slid the device into his pocket. Maybe Phil didn’t need to know quite yet.

Guilt washed over him, but he just wasn’t ready to be alone right now. He wanted nothing more to stay here forever, and whilst that wasn’t possible, he could drag it out for as long as possible. A call came through on his phone and he groaned when he realised, I was Lauren. He didn’t feel like talking to her at all right now. He had too many thoughts going on about himself and Phil, there was no need to throw another person into that. Then again, she was his colleague, and he had already ignored her all day. He answered the call reluctantly, sitting back down onto the couch.

“Hi, Lauren, what’s up?” he asked, attempting to keep the irritation out of his voice,

“You weren't in work today and you haven't been answering my messages. Is everything ok? Do you want me to come over?” she replied, sounding worried. Dan bit his lip and paused, considering how he was going to respond to her.,

“Don’t worry I’m fine, I’ve just taken a week off to have some time to myself. I’m at Phil’s at the moment so now isn’t really a good time to come over,” he answered quietly. It took a moment for Lauren to speak again,

“Is Phil there with you?” she asked curiously.

“No, he’s at work,” Dan said slowly, unsure of why she was asking. Lauren sounding quite excited,

“Did he tell you?” she said happily, “That’s great! I knew you’d say yes!”

Dan frowned,

“Tell me what? What does he want to tell me? Why do you know he wants to tell me something?” he questioned eyes wide, feeling a little upset. Was Phil keeping secrets from him? They told each other everything. Well almost everything, but Dan couldn’t exactly confess his love to his best friend now could he.

“Oh nothing,” Lauren replied quickly, sounding a little disappointed. Dan shook it off,

“Oh, how did your date with Phil go, I haven't actually asked about it yet,”

“It went ok,” she said after a pause. It seemed as though she wanted to say something, but she just carried on, “He's really sweet and all, but I think he might have a thing for someone else,”

Dan snorted,

“Phil hasn't dated anyone since I met him, and I'd know if he was crushing on someone else. We spend literally every spare moment together,” he said rolling his eyes, “If you don't want to date him that's fine, you don't have to make up excuses,” he said with a small laugh. Lauren let out an amused puff of air,

“I'm not making excuses,” she insisted, “I just called to check up on you, I have to get back to work now. It's twice as difficult with you not around,”

“Hey! I cover for you when you're on holiday!” Dan replied indignantly. Lauren laughed and hung up, leaving Dan alone. To be honest, that hadn’t been as bad as he thought it was, he was really over thinking things at the moment. H felt bad for not telling the truth, but he still wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell anyone.

The door lock clicked and creaked open, causing Dan to jump. He pressed himself against the wall and poked his head around the corner nervously. Who was it? Why hadn’t they knocked? His eyes met with Phil’s, looking a little nervous, and he sighed in relief,

“Don’t scare me like that Phil!” he exclaimed. Phil looked back at him wide eyes,

“I’m sorry, I should have knocked. Are you ok?” he said slowly. Dan shook his head,

“No sorry, It's your house. I’m fine, I guess. I have something to talk to you about though,”

Phil nodded and gave him an awkward smile, “Ok then, do you want to get something to eat first and we talk after? I skipped lunch to come home early, so I’m kind of starving,”

Dan laughed quietly,

“Yeah sure. You didn’t have to rush off, don’t you have a lesson to teach?”

Phil shrugged,

“Didn’t want to leave you alone for too long. I’ve got a supply covering for me. I’m sure my class will embrace the chance to slack off for an hour, I have no faith in them what’s so ever,”

“That's the spirit,” Dan replied, giving him a friendly punch to the shoulder, “Good to know the next generation is in good hands!”

Phil gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up and headed into the kitchen, best friend in tow. Dan bit his lip, knowing he would have to tell everything to him later. He was worried about how he might react. Then again, he didn’t have to tell him everything. It wouldn’t harm to bend the truth a little, at least he had a little time to think it over mid-afternoon lunch.


	9. Chapter 9

They talked as they ate, TV playing softly in the background. It was pleasant and they were discussing if maybe they wanted to go and see a movie later, which Dan found himself actually wanting to do. He was safe now; he could get outside for a bit without being constantly afraid. He was sure the only reason he had hated being out earlier was that he was alone. With Phil there, he was bound to feel safer and nobody could do any harm to him,

“Are you sure Dan?” Phil asked gently, placing his hand on the younger man's knee, “You’ve been through a lot and I can totally understand why you don’t want to leave the house. Maybe you should stay inside for a while, at least until your stalker has been caught,”

Dan pursed his lips. He knew he should tell Phil the truth, but he didn’t want to,

“I’m sure they’ll catch him soon, let’s go and have some fun. I need to reward you for putting up with me and boarding me for the last few days. You deserve to have a little treat, we’ll even get popcorn,” He replied, trying to be as cheery as possible. Phil frowned,

“Are you ok?” he said, seeming concerned, “You’re acting odd. Yesterday if the curtains moved you were spooked. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable because of me. Did you speak with a police officer today? What did they say?”

Dan placed his plate down on the coffee table and leaned back with a sigh,

“Nothing much . . “he trailed off. Phil raised an eyebrow at him, his eyes had a knowing look in them. Damn, why could Phil always tell when he was lying, it was like they had some sort of psychic bond or something. Maybe if he was just super vague Phil would drop it,

“She just said they were doing all they good to get a hold of him and to call them if we saw him again,” he said with a shrug.

Phil still looked suspicious but sighed in defeat,

“Alright, so are you absolutely sure if you want to go? We can come right back home if you don’t feel safe, ok?”

Dan nodded with a weak smile, guilt building up inside of him. Phil was so worried about him and all it would take was one word from him to stop that. Of course, Phil always seemed to be worrying about him one way or another (Phil thought he hadn’t noticed but he had) but this would probably be a big weight of both of their chests. He glanced over at his best friend who had his eyes set on the tv and bit his lip. Just a few more days, then he would tell him. For the time being at least, they could just enjoy being together. It was like the good old days when they first met, except a bit more messed up.

When they were ready to leave to the night dan did begin to feel a little nervous. What if hi stalker had escaped, what if he was out there? What if another guy tried to do the same thing? His heart was pounding a little, but when Phil came down the stairs it subsided slightly. He looked really good. He was wearing a nice shirt and his glasses (Dan loved his glasses), looking as perfect as ever. He had a backpack over his shoulder which dan was pretty sure was only there to sneak drinks into the cinema and gave Dan a wide grin as he approached. Dan returned the smile and they stepped outside together.

It was still light, and the street was quiet, unusual for somewhere so close to the city. It was only a ten or so minutes’ walk and they headed off towards it. They were only going to see some crappy American remake and dan was feeling a little timid, but overall, he was happy. He liked spending time with Phil and he’d much rather be out than wallowing in self-pity at home, especially now his avid internet dating life was going to be dramatically slowed down. He was going to be more careful in the future.

Actually, the more he thought about it, the ore maybe it wasn't a good idea to start back up at all. He never really enjoyed it, and the only reason he did it in the first place was to fill the void that not being with Phil left within him. Maybe that gap could be filled another way, like with food and dogs. He couldn’t even get a dog though, his landlords wouldn’t allow it. Phil must have noticed him looking miserable because he pressed in closer and gave a reassuring squeeze to his arm. Dan smiled up at him to let him know he was ok, and they carried on their way.

They arrived a little early, and Dan found himself glancing around at the nearby bars. It was still early so most of them were fairly empty, but they made him a little jittery. The loud music and smell of faint alcohol all brought back memories he’d rather just forget. Once again Phil noticed, being the amazing attentive friend, he was, and wrapped his arm around dan, gesturing for them to go inside. Dan just nodded and he headed in.

Surprisingly it was quite busy for a Monday night and they got in line to buy their tickets,

“What popcorn do you think we should get?” he asked excitedly, Dan shrugged,

“Whatever you want buddy,” he said lightly, patting his shoulder.

When they finally got into the cinema it was pretty busy. Dan wasn't sure if the number of people in the room made him feel better or worse. On one hand not being alone meant that if anything were to happen to him, he would be able to get help and safety in numbers, but on the other hand, he didn’t know anybody else except Phil. anyone of these people could be a bad person.

For once Phil didn't seem to notice his change in mood, although he was sort of glad. Going to the cinema was such a mundane event and now he was freaking out about that, what kind of a wuss did that make him seem like? He concentrated on the screen and hoped that eventually he would just forget about his anxiety and enjoy the movie which he could already tell was going to be pretty poor.

About halfway through he found himself glancing around uncomfortably which alerted Phil’s attention,

“You alright?” he whispered. Dan nodded, not wanting to cause a scene. He did scoot a little closer though and the feeling of having Phil's should against his did calm him down. Eventually, he rested his head on the others shoulder just as he had done a few nights back. It was just as warm and reassuring as it had been back then, although he wasn’t sure how Phil would react. He had seemed pretty fine with it before, but that was when they were alone, not when they were out in public.

He visibly relaxed and whilst still a little on edge was able to at least stay partially focused on the film playing out. He thought he saw Phil smiling out of the corner of his eye but dismissed it. He was probably just laughing at some joke dan had missed. Wait, he wasn’t laughing at him, was he? It wasn’t a very Phil think to do when he knew what a poor state Dan was in, but it did make him feel a bit embarrassed. He considered moving but he was just too comfortable.

When it finally ended, dan had mixed emotions. one one hand he would be out of the room full of strangers and back home where it was safe, but on the other hand, he just wanted to stay cuddled to Phil a little longer.

            When they got outside the sun had set and the bars were a little rowdy. A few days drinkers where stumbling outside and new groups of girls in skimpy clothes where warding around with bottles of vodka in their hands. You would have thought that they would be quieter, given that it was Monday and all, but no, this is England. Phil quickly ushered dan away from the crowded street and they headed home at a fast walk. When they had gotten to a quarter patch of down, dan let out an annoyed huff,

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked for what seemed like the hundredth time today. Dan shrugged,

“It’s stupid,” he muttered. Phil shook his head,

“No, it isn’t. You can tell me you know?”

Dan stood dead in his tracks and turned to Phil. I’ve been so stressed out and nervous lately and all I want to do is go to a bar and get drunk. Except I can't go to a bar and get drunk because I am now terrified of bars,”

Phil let out a small laugh,

“I don’t think you getting drunk will help solve any of your problems dan, probably only exacerbate them,” he said carefully. Dan shook his head,

“I know it probably isn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but I just want my thoughts to stop for a little while,”

Phil shook his head, this time a little more firmly,

“Dan, I don’t think that is a good idea, that kind of thing is how addiction starts. If you are feeling this way then maybe you should get professional help,” he replied and carried on walking. Dan rolled his eyes,

“I just want to have a bit of fun, that’s all, I think maybe you are just being a little over dramatic,” he said exasperatedly,

“I’m just trying to look out for you, look at what happened the last time you got drunk?”

That shut dan up for a little while, although he felt a bit of anger rise up inside of him. That was a bit of a low blow, and why was Phil being so stubborn about this?

“I mean you can’t exactly stop me,” he mumbled under his breath, which Phil caught in the silent night. He sighed, looking defeated,

“All I want to do is keep you safe, if you want to be self-destructive that's up to you but you can’t blame me for trying to get in your way,”

Dan bit his lip,

“I promise I only want to have a few drinks to relax a bit, I used to do that all the time and you never had a problem with it,” he said, pulling his coat up against the wind as the bitter cold began to bite at him,

“Before you hadn’t suffered a traumatic event that could act as a catalyst for a potential addiction,” Phil replied, sounding a little irritated. Dan frowned,

“Why do you care so much about this?”

“Dan, I teach a stupid amount of kids who have alcoholic parents, hell even some of my students a verging on it themselves. Most of it is caused by some bad event that happened which caused them to start and they just carried on. It wrecks lives and the lives of people around them. I know I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’ve already seen you go through things that hurt you and I don’t want that to happen again. I just think maybe you should wait until you are a bit more emotionally stable,”

Dan rolled his eyes. Phil had a point, and he had already put his best friend a lot already, but he also had a pint that he was being overdramatic and overprotective. Phil had gotten into this mindset that he needed to protect dan at all cost. He seemed to have temporarily forgotten that dan was a grown adult who could make decisions for himself,

“I’m going to have one drink, and you can have one with me,” he said finally, crossing his arms stiffly. Phil rolled his eyes,

“I have work tomorrow,” he replied quietly,

“Phil, plenty of people go out for drinks after work. You aren’t going to get drunk from one beer. You’re so uptight it’s making me look socially adept,”

Phil pursed his lips but eventually gave in,

“Fine, one drink each and then we can go to bed or browse the internet for a bit,”

Dan grinned, knowing he had won. It would probably be very easy to get Phil drunk as well; he was such a lightweight. He knew it was wrong, but his friend needed it. He had given himself such little thought lately and he deserved to let loose a little, even if it was in his own house. They used to go to parties all the time when they were younger, mature Phil could take some lessons from foetus Phil from time to time.

Dan couldn’t help but take one glance at the road as they headed indoors, heart beating fast. It was dark and quiet, nobody was about. Phil disappeared inside and Dan felt himself hurrying him after him and locked the door hastily. So, what he was still terrified, so what if it was even though he knew he was safe. A bit of time would make this all go away and he could go back to normal again. What was Phil on about when he said he needed ‘professional help’. He scoffed at the thought, but deep down he knew Phil had a point.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, thank you for sticking with me. I apologise for the slight change in format and a probable increase in spelling and grammar mistakes. My Microsoft word licence has recently expired so I've converted to google docs. It isn't ideal but we'll make do :)

Dan was right, Phil was too uptight. He sighed gently to himself as he downed what was probably his fourth drink, or maybe it was his fith? It had been almost a year since he had gotten properly drunk and he’d forgotten how nice it felt. He was laughing and joking with Dan, the crippling loneliness inside had been pushed down under a thick layer of lame jokes and stupid stories that didn’t make much sense. He was sort of lying halfway across the sofa with Dan’s legs draped over his lap. Dan was midway through recounting another one of his awful dates, although thankfully this one turned out reasonably well, and Phil was sort of half listening to what he was saying and drifting off in his own little world.

When Dan stopped he spent a moment just looking at Phil before sighing deeply,

“The police got him already,” he slurred out, an odd expression crossing his face. It looked like a mixture of guilt and relief, although Phil was in no real state to be reading complex social cues. Phil frowned, brain running slow,

“Got who?” he asked, trying to sit up best he could with Dan weighing him down and his sluggish reactions. Wow, he really was a lightweight huh.

“My stalker,” Dan said, dragging out the 'r', “They were already looking for him. Some warrent or shit.”

Phil frowned,

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said loudly, feeling a little hurt. Why would Dan lie to him? What was the point?

“I didn’t want you to kick me out,” Dan replied, tears pricking at his eyes. “You aren’t mad at me, are you?”

Phil softened immediately,

“No, I’m not mad at you, but I do wish you have told me earlier. I've been so worried about you silly.” he sighed, stroking Dan’s legs comfortingly. Dan nodded and sniffled a little bit,

“I can still stay here though? I don’t want to be on my own,” he murmured sadly.

“You can stay here as long as you need to,” he reassured the younger man, giving him a faint smile. Dan launched across the couch and tackled him in a big hug,

“You’re the best,” he slurred, squeezing Phil tightly. Phil smiled and wrapped his arms around him as firmly as he could,

“Love you, Phil,” Dan mumbled. Phil laughed,

“Love you too buddy,” he said lightly. Dan sat up and shook his head,

“No, I love you, like love you love you. Like I wish you were my boyfriend. I've wished it for ages.”

Phil only started at him for a moment. Initially, he wanted to jump for joy, but there were so many things wrong. It wasn’t fair. Dan was drunk, he was upset and he was currently in Phil's care. He couldn’t be confessing his long-repressed feeling right now. He was only originally going to have one drink, this was why. He gently pushed Dan off him and shakily got to his feet,

“I think it’s time to go to bed, we’re drunk,” he exclaimed, swaying a little as the motion caused a wave of dizziness. Dan looked visibly upset, but took Phil's outstretched hand to get up,

“Goodnight,” he muttered, before staggering up to the stairs, eyes to the ground the whole way up. Phil watched him go, guilt pooling in his stomach. If it were him who had confessed and been turned down, he would have been crushed. The issue was he wasn’t sure if what Dan was feeling was real, or just some result of all that had happened in the last few days. He wished it was real, he really did, but he couldn’t just assume and make a right mess out of their relationship.

He slowly got ready for bed and by the time his head hit the pillow he had sobered up enough to think about getting up for work the next day. He groaned loudly at the thought of his alarm going off in five hours and how he had a class to teach at eight. All he wanted to do was curl into a ball and wallow in a pit of his own self-doubt and misery until he was ready to emerge. He grabbed a glass of water and downed it hoping to avoid a hangover before collapsing onto the bed and falling asleep almost immediately.

When his alarm went off the next day his first reaction was to just switch it off and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, he still needed a shower and was desperate for some ibuprofen to quell the pounding in his head. He knew letting Dan convince him to have a drink was a bad idea, he just couldn’t handle it anymore. Speaking of the younger man, there was no sign of him. Phil peaked into the room just to have a quick check and saw him sprawled across the bed, thankfully still breathing. He decided not to wake him since he was sure the other man drank way more than he did and while he handled alcohol a little better, not enough to leave him completely unscathed.

After freshening up, he grabbed his bag and headed to work on the bus, worried that some of the alcohol could still be in his system. Since when had he turned into such a boring and worried person? He used to be fun and impulsive, now he was just miserable. Maybe that's just what ten years of being alone and in an overly stressful job does to you. He very almost fell asleep but woke up just in time to dart off of the bus before it left his stop, smiling apologetically to the driver who was just about to close the doors.

When he finally arrived at the school, admittedly later than he had been attending to, he was met with Janet the receptionist in the hallway. She grimaced when she saw him,

“Oh dear, you looked like death warmed up. I hope you’ve gotten over that bug you got yesterday. I wondered why you left in such a rush,”

Phil gave her a weak smile,

“I’m feeling a lot better now, thanks, Janet. I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” Janet nodded sympathetically before hurrying into the office to answer a call.

The usually ten minute staff morning meeting dragged for what seemed like forever and at least three other members of staff brought up how bad he looked. When they were finally dismissed he bolted to his classroom in the hope of avoiding anybody else before they figured out that he was actually hungover. He had seen many other teachers come in nursing a severe headache, but he didn’t want to put himself on the same level as them. They didn’t care about their job, but he always put in as much effort as he could to ensure his students had as much support as possible. Of course, many of them weren’t grateful in the slightest, but it put his mind at ease.

Well, he said he always put maximum effort, unfortunately that hadn’t been so much the case lately. He was either too tired to properly control the class or simply had his mind on other things. Yesterday he had even left his hands in that poor substitute (he hoped they survived), maybe Dan was being a bad influence in him. Speaking of Dan, he only had a fuzzy memory of what has gone down last night, but Dan's words were crystal clear in his head. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite know where that left him. Did he bring it up? Did he pretend it never happened? On one hand, he was desperate to know if that outburst was just a result of the alcohol in his system or if there was something real behind it, but on the other what if bringing it up made the other man felt uncomfortable.

Dan had also lied to him about his safety. Phil had stressed out so much about whether or not Dan was safe, and if Dan had just told him earlier it would have made him feel so much better. He could understand that he had had reasons, but it also offended him slightly that he thought Phil would just kick him out. He knew Dan was insecure but did he really have so little faith in Phil that he was genuinely worried that he would just be dropped once the danger had subsided? Did he really think he wouldn’t have all the support that he needed, especially after all they had been through? It wasn’t as though he really had anybody else in his life that needed attention. Before he could dwell on it for much longer the bell rang and he reluctantly got up to let his class in.

By the time lunch rolled around he was finding it incredibly difficult not to just leave. Several other staff members had suggested he do just that, but he was determined just to make it through the day. It wasn't as if he didn't want to go home. He wanted to check on Dan and they did need to have a serious talk, it's just he didn't want anything to be awkward and as long as he stayed at work nothing was going to change. He sat in the corner, just trying to avoid everyone else for the remainder of the break. Unfortunately, there wasn’t really that much happening on Reddit, and he was running out of reasons to remain eyes focused on his phone. Suddenly a call came through.

He wasn’t expecting it and almost dropped his phone out of shock. He fumbled with it for a moment before he was able to read the caller ID. Why was Lauren calling him? He frowned at the screen but accepted the call, holding it up to his ear,

“Hello?” he answered, eyes flicking around the busy room.

“Oh hey Phil, it’s Lauren,” a cheerful voice came from speakers, “I’m sorry if you’re at work or something, I just have to talk to you about Dan,” Phil cleared his throat,

“Hi Lauren, it’s ok I’m on my lunch at the moment,”

“Ok, good. Why isn’t Dan in work, has something happened?” She sounded worried and Phil suddenly felt guilty,

“I’m sorry, but you’d have to ask dan. I don’t think I’m really at liberty to say, it’s not my life.” The was a pause,

“So something is going on?” Lauren replied, sounding suspicious,

“I didn’t say that!” Phil exclaimed, “Nothing is going on,”

“Look, Phil, I asked him the other day and he just came off as . . . off,” she said carefully, “I just want to know if he’s ok,”

Phil sighed,

“He’s fine, don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll tell you everything when he’s ready,” Lauren didn’t respond for a moment,

“Have you told him about how you feel yet?” she asked finally. Phil froze and looked around the crowded break room. He decided to slip out of the back entrance and began pacing along the dull stone wall,

“No, I haven't. But . . “ he trailed off, considering whether on not he should tell her about Dan's confession. He knew Lauren only wanted the best for dan, but he didn’t really know her. They had met once for god's sake, and he shouldn’t have admitted his feelings towards her co-worker then. Then again he did need to ask for advice, maybe she would be able to provide it for him,

“But?” she prompted,

“We got drunk last night, he told me he loved me,” He said flatly, kicking a stone across the battered asphalt,

“That's good isn’t it?” Lauren replied quietly. Phil shrugged,

“I don’t know. He’s in a bit of a vulnerable state at the moment and he’s staying with me. He was also drunk, a lot drunker than I was. I don’t want him to come around today and feel embarrassed about it if I bring it up,” he said, letting out a frustrated sigh a the end.

“You need to talk to him about it, you won’t get anywhere by just not mentioning it,”

Suddenly the bell rang and Phil looked back at the school building reluctantly, he needed to get back to work”

“I have to go, I might talk to you later I don’t know. See you,” he hung up before she had a chance to reply and set off at a half-arsed jog towards his classroom.


	11. Chapter 11

Dan paced up and down in the living room, phone clutched in his hand. He had finally got over nursing his horrible hangover but now he had to deal with his faint memories of what had happened last night. Why had he admitted it? It was probably his longest kept secret, something he had been so careful about for so long. After the torment, pain and temptation he had resisted, it had only taken him one drunk, half concocted sentence to reveal it. He had always wanted the revelation to be over a nice dinner, or at least at a time when he was sure Phil could remember what he had said. He was definitely not intending for it to be in the middle of the night when they were both a bit out of it and they didn’t have a chance to talk it through. Why was he such a fuck up?

Phil had gone to work, nothing unusual there, but he hadn’t woken Dan up before he left. What did that mean? Did he remember what had happened? Either he had remembered and didn't want to talk about it, or he was completely oblivious to what had been said and Dan's panicking was all for nothing. He had absolutely no way of knowing. He wanted to call up Phil and ask him to come home, but at the same time, he didn’t want to bother the poor guy. If he didn’t remember it then maybe it would give him a chance to restart. A little part of him, however, did sort of wish he would remember. He wished Phil would just confront him and they could just get it over and done with. Maybe he didn’t always have to expect the worst, and that way he wouldn’t have to build up the courage to confess again.

He knew deep down he always wanted Phil to know his true feelings. He sank down onto the sofa and checked his phone. It was only one in the afternoon, he had another five hours to kill before the Phil got home. He sort of wished he hadn't taken the time off of work, at least he would have something to distract him. Unfortunately, he was 'sort of wishing' for a lot of things to happen at the moment and nobody in the universe had the power to grant them all. On the other hand, he would prefer if Lauren didn't pry into his private life for a little while, she was ever so nosey.

He checked the fridge and noticed that there was very little there. A few bottles of beer, some ketchup and a bunch of carrots that looked like they were on the brink of descending into a mould covered pit of despair were all that remained. It was to be expected, Phil was only used to shopping for himself. He probably only bought the bare minimum and Dan had been dipping into that diminishing stock probably a little more than he should. It wasn't his fault, he was stressed and bored and upset. He needed some distraction. To be nice he thought he'd pop out to the shop and buy some necessities. He still felt guilty for dragging Phil into all this shit he had gotten himself into. It would be nice for his best friend to have one less thing playing on his mind. With a firm nod to himself, he grabbed his age and headed out of the door.

He only had to walk around the corner, but the moment his foot stepped onto the pavement an uneasiness fell over him. The road was quiet, only the odd car rushing past, kicking up stones and dust as they went on their way. He kept checking behind him and quickened his pace. When he finally arrived, he paused in the doorway and let out a drawn-out sigh. What was wrong with him? He was safe, he knew he was safe, why didn't he feel safe? Maybe he was more shaken up than he wanted to admit. He grabbed a few necessities and hurried home in the same nervous matter, heart pounding in his ears.

Phil didn’t get home until about half five and he looked like death warmed up. Dan grimaced when he saw him and made him a strong cup of coffee,

“How are you doing?” he asked somewhat apprehensively, handing over the drink. Phil took it thankfully,

“Just a bit tired,” he mumbled, “It’s been a stressful couple of days,”

Dan nodded sympathetically, stomach twisting. This was his fault.

They sat in silence for a little while as they did often nowadays ad Dan’s mind was racing on whether or not he should bring up what he had happened last night. For once however he wasn’t able to overthink because Phil was the first to speak,

“Last night? How much of it do you remember?”

Dan shrugged, eyes locked on the floor,

  
“Most of it, everything that matters I think,” he mumbled, wringing his hands together nervously. Phil bit his lip,

“What do you think matters?” he replied, shuffling in his seat uncomfortably. Dan let out a deep breath and closed his eyes,

“That I said that I love you,” he said quietly. There was a moment of silence and he brought his eyes up to look at Phil.

The older man was sat with his coffee clasped between his hands. He had his glasses were slightly askew and hair messy but still shaped into the usual quiff. He looked tired, with dark circles under his eyes and a slouched posture. He was watching Dan intently with his blue-green eyes, expression neutral much to his chagrin. He wanted to know what Phil was thinking, unfortunately apparently Phil didn't.

“Did you mean it?”

Dan frowned,

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it,” he exclaimed, feeling hurt that Phil would think he would say something like without being serious about it. He had been anxiously mulling this over all day, he didn’t say it as a joke.

“You were very drunk,” Phil replied sceptically, “And you aren’t really in a great frame of mind at the moment,”

“Just because I was drunk doesn’t mean I would say something like that if it had no truth to it,” Dan snapped, becoming defensive. This hadn’t what he’d hoped for, no not at all.

Phil's eyes blew wide as he noticed how angry and worked up he was getting,

“I’m not saying I don’t believe you,” he said slightly panicked, seeming as though he were going to continue, but found himself lost for words after trying to start a few times. A tense quiet fell once again as Dan's eyes bore into his friend,

"Should we just forget what I said, you are right, I was drunk," Dan said finally with a heavy sigh. He didn't want to taint friendship with Phil, he really didn't.

Phil had always been there for him, ever since they met all that time ago. Through thick and thin he was there, always just what Dan needed, even if Dan himself didn't know. He was one of the few people he could trust with his life (maybe not literally, he was a bit clumsy), and he didn't want that to change. The idea of Phil being there scared him. It was a deep, crushing fear that very few things could conjure up within him and he wanted to avoid even the idea of it as best he could. He couldn't imagine going through a breakup or bad episode without somebody there to comfort him, and the only person he wanted to comfort him was Phil.

Phil shook his head, although he still looked nervous,

"No, that's clearly not what you think. We need to talk this through," he said slowly, not meeting Dan's eyes. Dan gritted his teeth,

"I would be perfectly happy to do that if you didn't keep accusing me of being insincere," he replied curtly, quickly losing his cool. In his defence, he was tired and stressed. Even with his motives being high in his mind, it was difficult to stop the raw emotion rushing through.

"How about I don't talk, and you just tell me what you think?' Phil sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking very uncomfortable. Dan bit his lip,

"What do mean what I think? I already told you didn't I. There isn't exactly a lot more to say about it " he replied irritably. Phil rolled his eyes,

"There is no need to be so hostile. What would you like to come of this? What would make you happy?"

Dan shrugged and shrunk in on himself. Why was he being so angry and Phil, he was only trying to help. He was upset, but there was no need to take it out on everyone else. Tears pricked at his eyes,

"I don't know Phil," he sniffed, "This wasn't how I wanted it to go. I'm sorry,"

Phil got up and sank into the sofa next to him. He wrapped a firm arm around Dan and squeezed tightly,

"It's ok, you don't need to be upset," he said softly. Dan leant over and pressed himself into Phil's chest,

"This won’t change anything, will it?” he murmured. Phil bit his lip,

“In what way? You’re my best friend, I’m pretty sure you could never do anything to change that,” he said with a faint laugh, “but maybe I have something to tell you too . . .”

He stopped and took a deep breath. Dan frowned, what did he want to say? He looked up at Phil but the other man was purposely avoiding his gaze. His stomach sank but he didn’t dare open his mouth for fear of saying anything stupid. This was it, all of his fears had been realised and he had ruined everything. Phil kept opening his mouth but then closing it, unable to get out whatever he wanted to say. He looked nervous and had closed his eyes.

Dan was sure that his intense staring and refusal to speak were probably making it worse, but what could he do? He was terrified of what his best friend was about to force out. At best he would be sent home, then he would have to think over all the mistakes he had made, alone, in a terrifying apartment. His heart was beating loudly in his ears and it was difficult for him to keep his eyes dry. After a few minutes, it seemed as though Phil had finally built up the courage to speak,

“If I told you that I loved you too, what would you say?”

Dan rolled his eyes,

“I’d be quite relieved. Unfortunately, that’s not true so can you please spit out whatever it is you want to tell me and stop giving me an aneurysm,” he snapped, a combination of fear and impatience manifesting itself in a less than ideal way.

Phil leant back, looking a little hurt as he had been doing for much of this conversation. Dan immediately felt bad and bit his tongue. Urgh, why was this his reaction, of course, Phil didn’t love him? This was the reason, he was always lashing out. He looked down at the floor and tensed as Phil gently stroked his arm, as to calm him down. Why was he being so nice, it wasn’t as if dan was returning the favour,

“I do love you, Dan,” he said quietly. Dan snapped, he couldn’t deal with this,

“Oh yeah, because you’re my best friend? Don’t give me that bullshit. You find me just as irritating and stupid as everyone else,”

Phil frowned,

“No, that’s not what I mean. I know you’re upset, please calm down,”

“So what? You do love me? You could have said that at the very start of the conversation if you meant it. No, you only feel sorry for me. I don’t need your fucking sympathy,”

He got to his feet, shoving Phil off of him. He knew he was being ridiculous, he knew he was overreacting and that he needed to listen to what the other had to say. At the same time, he was angry. If it was true, then Phil had been lying to him for a long time. He could have just admitted it years ago and all of the desperate dating and poor decisions Dan had made would never have happened. They could have been happy so long ago.

He stormed towards the door and slammed it shut, leaving a dumbfounded Phil behind him. He gritted his teeth angrily and grabbed his coat. He was being stupid, he needed to go back and apologize. He stood still for a moment, expecting the other man to come after him, but the house remained silent. Of course, he wouldn't come after him, why would he? Dan had just screamed at him out of nowhere and been nothing but a huge dick for the last fifteen minutes. Hell, the only reason they got drunk was because of dan and the only reason he had felt like getting drunk is because of all the shit that had happened with the stalker. Oh yeah and don’t forget that he had dragged Phil into that as well.

After all this time, this was how it was going to end. All because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and thrust all of his repressed issues onto Phil. He should have just pretended it was a joke, that he hadn’t meant to say ‘I love you’. Or better yet he should have said he didn’t remember it. That way he would never have had to admit that it had happened and Phil would have just forgotten over time.

He headed out of the door without looking back and called a cab. He felt numb and afraid. Phil was right, he needed help. He had been affected more than he would have liked to admit by all that happened. Once again Phil was right and he was wrong. As he got further away, his anger at Phil dissipated more and more. What if Phil had been telling the truth? That was good right? Except, he’d screwed up. He could be angry that Phil hadn’t told him sooner, but neither had Dan. They had both been as oblivious and ridiculously secretive as each other. Maybe they were both in the wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

Phil watched Dan go in an equal mix of confusion, hurt and guilt. He wasn’t sure what had caused dan to just freak out like that, although he knew he was at least partially at fault. He had finally done it, he had finally admitted his feelings after all this time, and Dan didn’t believe him? Or maybe he did? And he was just mad? He couldn’t really tell. That had all just gone down so fast. He’d struggled to keep up. Why did he just let Dan walk out? Why didn’t he go after him?

What if he got himself in danger?

He slowly got to his feet, wiping away a few tears that had made their way down his cheek. Dan was right, he should have said it earlier. He was just scared and whilst dan’s confession made his heart sing, it also terrified him. He had always found a little security in the fact that his feelings were never going to be reciprocated, it meant he couldn’t fuck up whatever came of it. Now he could, and had before it even began nevertheless. It just wasn’t meant to be.

He heard the front door shut and when he emerged into the hallway Dan’s coat had gone. He pulled out his phone and tried calling him but there was no answer. Maybe he should just let him be for a little while. If be had left the house he would probably be going back to his flat. His stalker was not a danger to him anymore and he was a grown man. Phil probably didn't have to worry quite as much as he was doing. Then again, Dan was his friend and he always wanted the best for him. At the same time, he didn't know if it was best to chase after him or just leave him to figure out hinge on his own. This was all a great big mess and it was all his fault.

He should have told Dan a long time ago, he'd always known that. No wonder Dan would be so angry and frustrated with him, why had he kept it a secret. So many things could have been avoided and Dan would have felt so much better if Phil had just grown up and got ahold of his feelings. He was so afraid of pushing Dan away, that it was what he ended up accidentally doing. He slapped the door frame angrily, sending jolts of pain up his arm. Why had he been so stupid? What was wrong with him? He had handled everything in that conversation so poorly, all because he couldn't express his feelings. He was thirty-two for god's sake, not a bloody teenager.

Whilst his mind was racing at a hundred miles per hour, his body was not and he really needed to get some rest. He got ready for bed miserably, wishing Dan were still here for him to confide in. Guilt washed over him as he felt himself doze off almost as soon and he fell into bed, battered body finally giving in to the stress and constant 'feelings' and shutting down for a little while. Hopefully, by the time he woke up, Dan would be answering his calls and they could talk it through properly, without going completely off of the rails this time. He just hoped Dan was ok.

That night he slept fitfully and when his alarm sounded the next morning it took every ounce of self-control he had not to pick it up and throw it across the room with all the strength that his barely conscious body could manage. He instead, dragged himself out of bed and blearily got ready for work, knowing full well that just staying in bed would only serve to make him feel worse. He had, for his own sake, to banish Dan from his mind for the day. He had a job to do and though it may be difficult to admit, Dan was not his current priority.

As he ambled into work John and Sarah walked up to the gates to meet him,

“What are you doing back here, you’re clearly ill?” Sarah said, evidently concerned for him. Phil shrugged her off,

“I’m ok, just a little tired. A few cups of coffee and I’ll be just fine,” he said with a sigh and a forced smile.

“Are you sure about that mate?” John asked with a frown. 

Phil groaned,

“Look, it’s nice that you’re worried about me, but there’s no need for it,”

Sarah gave him a sad smile,

“Ok, but you go and sit down and I’ll make you a brew,” she said softly. Phil shook his head,

“I’m fine Sarah, you don’t have to do that, but thank you for offering,” 

Unfortunately, Sarah had already because walking towards the Refectory,

“I can’t hear you, I’m too far away,” she shouted, calling over her shoulder with a cheeky grin, “Milk and two sugars right?”

Phil smiled weakly and stuck his thumb up at her. She smiled and blew him a kiss.

“Wow, I never knew your wife was such a flirt,” he said jokingly to John. 

“Yeah well, I don’t exactly have much have a threat from you. You’ve been pining over that Dan for as long as I’ve known you,”

At the mention of Dan, Phil’s eyes were drawn to the floor and guilt rose within him. He hadn’t called him to check if he was ok, what if something had happened to him? Was he ok? Did he want to talk? Urgh, so many questions. John noticed his change in demeanour and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly,

“That a bit of a sensitive subject at the moment?” he asked quietly. Phil nodded,

“How about we go into the office and you can tell me and Sarah about it,” he said awkwardly, not completely sure of what to do. Phil straightened and cleared his throat,

“No it’s fine, I’m fine. Maybe at lunch or something, I just want to concentrate on teaching my students. They shouldn’t suffer because there is some shit going down in my personal life,” He replied with a heavy sigh.

John nodded and awkwardly patted his shoulder. John was a nice man, but occasionally he struggled with how to deal with other emotions. Phil felt even worse for now forcing his issues on his coworker. It was as though his general presence made all those around him uncomfortable.

“Ok, I’ll tell Sarah you’re in your classroom. If anything gets too much you could always just tell administration you’re sick. They won’t want  a parent complaining because they think you sneezed and infected their precious little baby,”

“Thanks, see you in a bit,” Phil replied and headed off towards his classroom. There was about an hour until his first class, and whilst he really should be going to the daily morning meeting, he couldn’t really be bothered. He was sure nobody would miss him.

About ten minutes later Sarah came in and perched herself on a nearby desk, two cups of coffee in hand. She was wearing yellow today, which made her pretty hard to miss. She placed one of the cups amongst the messy papers and piles of books on the table in front of him, an expectant look on her face,

“John told me something happened with Dan, do you want to talk about it?” 

Phil rolled his eyes,

"And I told John I wasn't really up to talking about it," he murmured, choosing his hands around the drink. Sarah shrugged,

"Yeah but you don't want to have it playing on your mind all day," she replied softly. 

“Yes and I don’t want to work myself up about it and feel crap all day,” he snapped, before taking a deep breath,” I’m sorry, that was unwarranted. Thank you for the coffee, it’s perfect,” 

Susan gave him a sympathetic smile,

“I think you need a break,” she said gently, “I’ll get out of your hair for the time being. See you at break yeah?”

Phil nodded and waved her off, guilt creeping into his stomach. What had he been so rude to her? It wasn't her fault that he couldn't seem to make sense over what was happening with Dan, nor get a decent night of sleep. He felt sorry for his students, it was bad enough trying to control them on a day when he was completely himself. He guessed he would be giving out a lot of detentions. 

He sipped his coffee and checked his phone, before turning it off and stuffing it into his drawer, determined not to touch it again until he was on his way home. He couldn’t be doing with distracting himself by constantly checking to see if Dan had messaged him. Not only would it only work to worsen his constant anxiety, but he wouldn't be giving the students the attention they needed. His head raced with possibilities, none of them helpful to him in the slightest. What if he was needed? What is there was an emergency?

Luckily before he could give in to the nearly overwhelming urge he had to rip open the drawer and pull his phone back out, the bell rang and his form group began to gather outside of his door. He reluctantly walked over and opened it, letting the hoard in. All he had to do was take a register and reel off the school news, then made sure there was peace for fifteen minutes, but already it seemed exhausting. He was absolutely dreading when his actual lessons started.

Luckily his students seemed to realise he was in no mood to be messed with and kept to themselves. Only the bolder ones attempted to engage in their cocky conversations with him as they usually do, but where shot down by sour looks. There was very little information or news to read out and as usually about half of the class was either late or failed to show up at all. He wished they cared more about their education, but unfortunately, some people are very difficult to convince if hard work is involved.

As they left and his next class arrived, he pulled out some books and began placing them on each desk. At least they were only reading today. There was a knock on the door and he looked up to see Sarah peering through the small slither of glass that leads into his classroom. He rolled his eyes and ushered her in before the students waiting to enter swamped her,

“What’s up?” he asked with a sigh. Sarah shrugged,

“I just wanted to check if you were ok,” she said defensively,

“It’s been fifteen minutes?”

Sarah sighed,

“I really think you should go home. What if you have a breakdown? It’s been known to happen before. You don’t want to lose your job because you refuse to give in and take a day off,” 

Phil gritted his teeth. Sarah was his friend, but he was also his co-worker and he couldn’t help but think she was crossing a line a little,

“I am not going to break down, and I am not refusing to accept defeat. I’m no unstable, an, to be honest, this is none of your business. I am trying to do my job, and you should do yours,”

Sarah looked a little hurt, but slowly nodded and left, letting in his next class as he did so. He regretted admitting anything was up, all he did was attract unwanted sympathy and curiosity. Then he was a dick to his friends and felt guilty afterwards. Oh, what to do. As his class began to settle he picked up ‘An Inspector Calls’ and began to read, hoping it would take his mind off of all the issues he had brought upon himself.

Luckily nobody bothered him for the rest of the day with invasive questions. He seemed to have scared Sarah and john off and he avoided contact with all other teachers where it was possible. He hid in his classroom sites of going to the break room and at the end of the day when he was forced into a meeting, he sat at the back without engaging. He was doing nothing to help his self-image and it was clear people were becoming frustrated with him. At the end of the day, he wasn’t sure which he dreaded more, staying there or going home.


	13. Chapter 13

Dan paced around his empty apartment anxiously, phone gripped in his hand. Dull sunlight filtered through his half-closed curtains and faint sounds from outside forced their way through the thin glass. Sirens and cars, the occasional shouts of the people around him and aeroplanes flying overhead. Inside the apartment, the only sound was his rhythmic and frantic footsteps. He was focused on everything around him, trying to calm his mind although it only made it worse. Had he locked the door? Was that a noise in the lounge? Did something knock on his window? Every moment was mental agony.

  
He was nervous, paranoid and exhausted, but sleep seemed like a completely unattainable goal, impossible no matter how hard his body begged for it. He couldn’t seem to calm down, he was worried about so much. He was worried about somebody coming into his apartment, he was worried about himself and the rapid decline he had thrown himself into, he was worried about what Lauren would say if he turned up to work in the state he was currently in, he was worried about whether or not he would even be able to go back to work, but most of all he was worried about Phil.

  
What would Phil think of him now, after what he’d done and how he had behaved. His best friend was clearly scared and telling Dan the truth if it even was the truth, would have been so hard on him, especially after how Dan reacted. He should have been able to see that Phil was uncomfortable, that he was feeling the exact same way they Dan was, and yet he completely disregarded that because he was angry. Had he gone to work? Should he contact him? Questions, questions, questions, they were all he seemed to think about nowadays.  
When Phil had told Dan he loved him, Dan had been a complete mess of emotions. After all that had happened, after Phil had doubted his feelings and made him feel like shit, how could he have just come out like that? Either he was just being a dick and putting it off for as long as possible, or he was lying. That’s all dan could see anyway. Now he realised that if Phil had been telling the truth he had only been doing what Dan had been doing for years, except he didn’t have a drunk confession to out the truth. He instead had to stop and think about if telling Dan was even a good idea. He was probably thinking it wasn’t now.

  
Why hadn’t he stayed, why hadn’t they just talked it out? Instead, anger got in the way of logic and he huts stormed out like a moody teenager. What if Phil didn’t want to talk to him again, what if it was over. He couldn’t lose Phil, he just couldn’t. He didn’t know how to cope on his own, he never really had. Phil had always been his backup, his safety net, and now there was nothing. He needed his best friend more than anything but all he had done was push him away.

  
That night he had slept and restless and fitted three hours before his racing mind forced him awake. It was like some invisible force was holding his eyes open and compelling him to think about everything that could have gone wrong. He tried to watch tv, read books, play games, anything that would take his mind off of Phil. Some of them worked, and just for a moment he forgot his troubles, but then one line of dialogue or one odd visual and he was wrenched back into reality. Consuming copious amounts of coffee also wasn't exactly helping things, but otherwise, he would just be slumped on the sofa in the exact same mental position but feeling twice as helpless.

  
He thought about perhaps cancelling his holiday and going back to work, after a few more hours sleep, of course, that way he would have something to do, some purpose and a distraction. Then again, he couldn’t really trust Lauren not to be curious, and he didn’t want to answer her question. He knew she meant well, but one mention of Phil and he was a risk of a breakdown. He was so sensitive at the moment and he didn’t want it to affect his job.

  
Eventually, he gave in and called Phil. He had to know if he had been telling the truth, and if he was, where would they go from now. Would Phil even want to be with him anymore? Either way he still needed to know, otherwise, he would go completely crazy. The logical part of him knew that Phil wouldn't answer his phone, you couldn't exactly have a phone call about something so private in front of a class of teenagers. Despite that, it was still a kick to the stomach when it went straight to voicemail. There was a very reasonable explanation, but it didn't stop him from thinking the worst. So Phil really didn't want to talk to him, it was a strange feeling.

  
It was only one o'clock, and even if he did want to confront Phil, he would still have to wait a few hours. Then again if he just turned up at Phil's and Phil shut the door in his face, what would he do? Was he better off just not knowing? He was ready to pull his hair out from frustration if nothing happened soon. He flopped onto the sofa and pulled his arm over his eyes to block out the world. He was going to have to pass the time somehow, perhaps just lying here in self-pity would be the best way of doing so.

  
The next time he checked his phone it had been four hours, painful hours that felt more like four fucking years. There was still no word from Phil though and he didn’t know what to think about it. He considered going over to his best friend's house, the chance that he would be actually there was low, but at least he would feel like he was doing something. He couldn’t just sit here, it was killing him. He at least had to make an effort to revive their relationship, he would never forgive himself if he just let everything go to shit.

  
Then again, what if Phil just shut the door in his face. He couldn’t deal with that kind of straight-up rejection, would it just be better to live his life in uncertainty? He knew Phil had never been one for hostility or ghosting but Dan had treated him horribly yesterday, and he was clearly fed up with his shit. He wouldn’t blame him in the slightest for just not responding, he was in as bad a state as at the moment. After thinking for a while, he gave in. He had to know if what Phil had told him yesterday was true, he just had to know. He walked over to the door and shrugged on his coat, nerves washing over him. He didn’t particularly feel safe leaving the apartment, but the urge to go and see his best friend was strong enough to at least partially overcome that.

  
Just as he was about to reach for the door however there was a knock and he almost jumped out of his skin. Panic flooded over him for a moment before he gained enough composure to peer through the keyhole. He let out a sigh of relief as he instantly recognized the hovering figure of Phil. What was he doing here? He opened the door slowly, it creaking horribly as he so. Phil looked surprised that it had opened and was visibly nervous,

  
“Hi Phi,” Dan said quietly, voice hoarse and rough,

  
“Dan,” Phil replied, seemingly unsure of what to do. The stood in awkward silence for a moment before Dan cleared his throat and gestured inwards towards the messy corridor into his apartment,

  
“Come in,”

  
Phil nodded and entered cautiously. When he couldn’t be seen any more dan let out a small groan. Why was he like his, he had to make everything awkward and uncomfortable didn’t he.

  
He went into the kitchen to make two cups of coffee, one; because Phil really looked like he needed it and Dan was also on the brink of collapse, two; because it was the nice and polite thing to do when you have guests over, and three; he really needed some time to compose himself. Sure, he had been dwelling on Phil all Dan, but he really didn’t know what he was going to say. It was a good thing though? He wouldn’t have come over if he didn’t care about him anymore. Or maybe he was just going to let him down softly and their friendship was really over?

  
He had to take a few, long, deep breaths to calm himself before heading into the lounge, two mugs in hand. Phil was sat on the couch looking unsure of himself and it was only now that Dan realised how completely trashed it was. Video games were strewn across the floor, as where the cushions strategically placed on the couch to hide where it had been crushed by Dan’s spine. The windows were all closed and the curtains partially drawn, casting a dull and uneven light across the room. What must he look like?

  
Phil cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly in his seat,

  
“I think we need to talk,” he said softly. Dan nodded, fighting back tears. When he didn’t reply Phil took it as a sign to continue, “about last night, I’m sorry,”

  
“Why are you sorry,” Dan blurted out, “I was being an absolute dick. You don’t need to apologize,”

  
Phil shook his head,

  
“No, I do. I shouldn’t have told you what I did, especially when you were already so upset. I should have known it would be too much, I was being insensitive. I should have told you earlier or not at all,”

  
“Did you mean it?” Dan replied, words sticking in his throat. He so desperately wanted the answer to be yes. Phil hesitated, but nodded slowly,

  
“I meant it,”

  
Dan didn’t know whether to jump for joy, this was everything he had wanted. And yet, it seemed hollow somehow,

  
“How do we proceed,” he said carefully, eyes locked onto Phil. Phil opened his mouth to speak but after thinking for a moment, thought better of it.

  
“So we both love each other right? So like, we’d want to be boyfriends, why don’t we become boyfriends,” he exclaimed, trying his best not to roll his eyes and Phil indecision.

  
“It’s a bit fast isn’t it?” Phil replied unsurely, “I don’t think we should rush into this. What if it turns out that dating each other isn’t really what we wanted? It would be super awkward for us to stay friends,”

  
“It’s super awkward now,” Dan replied under his breath, which earned an unimpressed look from Phil.

  
“This is serious Dan, our whole lives could change based on the decisions we make today, and to be honest I don’t think either of us are in the right state to make these decisions,”

  
“This again?” Dan replied harshly, “What is it with always thinking we’re looney?”

  
Phil raised an eyebrow at him,

  
“How much sleep did you get last night and how tired are you right now?” he asked, placing a comforting hand on Dan’s knee. Dan shrugged staring at the floor.

  
Phil had a point, he was exhausted. At the same time, however, he just wanted to get this over with and it seemed as though Phil was just dragging it out for as long as possible. If he truly loved dan, wouldn't he be thrilled at the idea of them getting together? Phil seemed to sense his doubt,

  
“I know I'm acting all weird and overly cautious, I just don’t want to ruin this for us. We both want it, but relationships are precarious things,”

  
Dan sighed,

  
“Ok,” he said with a deep breath, “How about a first date first?”

  
Phil nodded and smiled,

  
“Set a time and date and I’ll be there,”

  
When Phil got up to leave a few minutes later, Dan was feeling a lot better. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all, and maybe things would work out fine after all. It was a bit early to tell, but that night he was able to sleep properly and with a warm feeling in his chest.


	14. Chapter 14

Phil stood in front of the mirror, anxiously running his hand through his limping quiff and straightening out his shirt for the millionth time. He considered changing it again, noticing how it didn't fit quite right over his shoulders. It was tight in some areas but just hung off him in others, he'd never been able to get clothes that fit him perfectly. Instead, however, he took a deep breath and resisted, knowing that there wasn't an outfit in his cupboard that he hadn't tried on. Besides, he was pretty sure Dan had already seen every single item he owned, in fact, he was probably there when he bought them.

He slipped on his glasses, admiring his reflection. He'd never been all that fond of them, but Dan seemed to love them and that was all that really mattered. His shoes didn't really match the rest of his outfit, but they were his favourite and he was torn in whether or not to change them. Either he jeopardizes the look or go with a pair he wasn't as comfortable in. It had never been something he had thought about all that much, now he was panicking over nothing. He knew Dan liked him, then why was he trying so hard? It was baffling to him, but he secretly wished Dan was feeling the same. At least it would show he cared.

He eventually took a deep breath and stood back, accepting that this was his final outfit and there would be no changes. He pushed his phone and wallet into his pocket and threw on his best coat, making sure on the way out that he hadn't screwed up his hair in doing so. He's texted Dan this morning to finalise their plans, but apart from that hadn't heard anything since. What did that mean? Was he just busy, or was he purposefully avoiding him? The only negative to being completely in love with someone is that when they're acting strange you always get a little bit paranoid.

They'd chosen a quiet place close to Phil's house, a small restaurant that did the best pizza ever. Dan was still nervous about being around bars and stuff so they were staying well clear. Hopefully, they'd be ok, hopefully. It was still light out, the sun turning orange as it began to sink towards the horizon. He stopped to admire it for a moment, unsure of whether he was just hesitating in his nerves of his first date with Dan, or whether the colours that danced in the sunset sky were just that enthralling.

His life had become a lot more colourful lately. He felt as though for the longest time everything had just been grey. He was lonely, tired, bored and a sense of 'going nowhere' seemed to follow him around like a bad smell. Dan was the only brightness he had, a dash of hazel in his otherwise monochrome world. Then shit hit the fan and he who must not be named appeared. It seemed for a little while that Dan's light had been snuffed out, but slowly but surely it was coming back. Little by little, Phil just had to make it grow. Even without Dan, things just felt better.

His secret crush was no longer secret, and whilst he was panicking about that, it was an enormous weight off of his chest. Work had gotten easier, he was in a better mood more often. Maybe, just maybe, things were starting to look up for him. He tore his eyes from the sky and carried on at a steady pace determined that he would not be late for their first date. He was late to everything, but not today, today he would be punctual, present, and practically perfect. He had to be the very best, the best for Dan. A smile crept onto his lips.

He was going on a date with Dan! It was finally happening. He wanted to take it slow, ensure that everything was perfect, but sometimes he found it difficult to restrain himself. He really did love Dan, and while the last few weeks had been stressful, hopefully, it wouldn’t take long for everything to work itself out. Dan still wasn’t quite right, but he had stayed the last few nights at his own apartment without much issue. He’d been through a lot, he needed time to heal. What had happened had been a shock to him, it had terrified him and as someone who didn’t deal with those kinds of situations very often or well it had made a bigger impact on him than most. He hoped he was alright, that he wouldn’t freak out again. 

When he finally arrived at the restaurant he hung around awkwardly for a few minutes before finally building up the courage to go in. He hadn’t been on a proper date in years, at least not one that he cared about the outcome of. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Did he have to treat Dan differently now that they were dating, or did he just stick to the same old friendly banter? Was there anything specific he needed to do? What of dan thought he was being a moron and decided that he didn’t like phil and that it was just a phase or some shit. He couldn’t cope, his brain was going to overheat at this rate.

His Phone dinged and he looked down at it do see a message from Dan,

‘I’m already here you digus, come in’

He looked down to the ground in embarrassment and went through the doors, arching his neck to see dan. He was about to ask the nearest waiter for help when he spotted a familiar face smiling at him from the far right corner. Dan looked amazing. He was wearing a black shirt and his hair was in its usual curly mob. He’d clearly been sleeping better and the colour had returned to his face. For the first time in a while, he looked genuinely happy. Phil sat opposite him,

“Hiya Dan, you’re early. Sorry if I was supposed to bring flowers or something, do you even like flowers?”

Dan laughed,

“Stop stressing, it’s fine. I was excited, that's all. For the pizza obviously, it’s supposed to be great here,” he replied, a lightness to his voice. Phil smiled,

“Yeah, I heard that too, totally the only reason I'm here,”

Dan raised an eyebrow at him,

“Is that why you were hiding outside? You were worried the pizza wouldn't live up to your expectations?”

Phil nodded,

“Yup, totally wasn’t having a mental freak out or anything. Not that I don't want to be here or anything, I'm thrilled, it’s just . . . It’s been a long time coming, you know? I want it to be right.”

Dan smiled sympathetically at him, reaching over to squeeze his hand,

“Don’t worry, I’ve had my fair share of mental freakouts lately,” he murmured, “Remember, it’s just me, just Dan. We’ve been best friends for years, we should have this figured out,”

“You’re not just Dan though, you are like one of the only people in my life that I truly care about, I want this to work,”

Dan rolled his eyes,

“Then just be yourself, be Phil. the person that I fell in love with, without even knowing if you’d ever return my feelings. Be happy, and cheerful, and downright dumb sometimes because that’s the person I love. Stop being so god damned intense, but at the same time ridiculously cautious. This is just a normal date that somebody goes on with their partner, not a job interview,” he said sternly. Phil nodded sheepishly,

“Ok, no more awkward Phil, although I think calling me downright dumb is a bit mean,” he said with a strained laugh, Dan shrugged,

“I meant it affectionately,”

They ordered their food and within half an hour or so, Phil began to relax. It was just Dan, the Dan he had known for years. He always did this, stressed out over nothing. He noticed however that Dan was only going at the remaining food on his plate, and by the time Phil had done, he wasn’t even meeting his eyes,

“Dan, what’s up,” he said gently, looking around to see if there was anything or anyone that might have changed the way Dan was acting, “We can go home if you want,”

Dan shook his head,

“No, sorry, I’m acting weird. It’s just, I want to tell you something. You know you told me that therapy might help, well I’ve decided I'm going to try. I start next week,” he sounded nervous. Phil frowned,

“That’s amazing dan, well done. I’m proud of you, what's with the nerves?” he replied, confused. Dan shrugged again,

“I don’t know, it's just not something people talk about. I don’t want you to think I'm looney or anything,” he said quietly. Phil had to hold back the laugh,

“Maybe you are looney, you’re going on a date with me after all, but that’s not because you’re having therapy. You just need a bit of help feeling better, it’s just like getting medicine from the doctor. Of course I'm not going to judge you or think you’re mad, I encouraged you to go didn't I?”

Dan sighed and nodded, 

“I guess. I’m just being stupid. Are you having dessert?”

It was still quite early when they left the restaurant and decided to go back to Phil’s,

“I think you need a dog Phil,” Dan announced loudly once they were inside. Phil laughed,

“Why?” 

Dan scoffed

“You love dogs, plus they are supposed to be super good for your mental health and shit. Also if you get a dog, I can come over and see it,”

Phil shook his head fondly,

“I do love dogs, but I'm never at home. I have to be responsible for a class of students, unfortunately being responsible for an animal as well is a little too much. Why don’t you get one?”

Dan sighed,

“Because my stupid apartment building doesn’t allow pets,”

“Aww, that sucks. Maybe you can get one when you get a house,”

Dan shrugged,

“Maybe we should get one when I move in,” he said with a wink. Phil giggled,

“Being a little forward aren’t we?” he replied lightly. Dan raised an eyebrow,

“We’ve been going a little slow for the last ten years don’t you think? Might be time to speed it up a tad bit.”

“How do you propose we do that?” Phil replied, somewhat apprehensively. Dan took a step forward,

“How about this?” 

He leant in and pressed his lips to Phil. Phil's eyes widened and he froze up slightly. It felt nice, but it had been a while since he’d kissed anyone. Dan pulled back,

“Sorry, you ok?”

Phil nodded,

“Yeah sorry, it was nice, it’s just . . . I’m a bit out of practice,” 

Dan smirked,

“Yeah, when was the last time you snogged anyone?” he laughed. Phil punched him lightly on the shoulder,

“Hey, no need to be so crude. It’s been a while, but you know that was only because I was after somebody in particular,” he said pointedly. Dan crossed his arms,

“Yeah and now you’re with said person and you have no idea what to do. You are a grown-ass adult Phil,”

Phil rolled his eyes,

“Then maybe I need somebody to help me get back into the swing of it rather than make fun of me,” he replied, raising an eyebrow. Dan reached over and ran his hand along Phil's collar,

"Maybe you do. I can't believe that was our first kiss, after ten bloody years of pining for each other. You just stood there," he said exasperatedly.

"Maybe you should get the hint and kiss me again," Phil replied, almost sounding impatient although he did his best to keep his voice neutral.

"Or maybe I should find myself, someone who is more skilled," Dan replied with a grin. Phil crossed his arms indignantly,

"Hey, just because I'm out of practice doesn't mean I'm not good,"

Dan shrugged,

"I must say you haven't impressed me so far. Have you been practising on your hand or something?"

He was about to carry on, but Phil thought fuck it. He was a damn good kisser and he would prove it. He leant in and pressed their lips together, forcing himself to relax this time. He had to admit, Dan was right in there.

They broke apart after a minute or two, and Dan had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. Phil allowed himself a triumphant little smile,

"Was that alright,"

"Perfect,"


End file.
